[M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ☆ Part 2: ●○○○○○○○○○

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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ●●●●●●●●●●●●●●● 

Message par Vielwerth » Mar Juin 19, 2018 11:49 am

Hello!
Just to say, the entirety of part 1 is now complete! I'll be submitting it to QA, and then be starting immediately on Part 2.
Please let me know if there are any questions or feedback or anything :)
Thank you for playing!
Vielwerth
 
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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ●●●●●●●●●●●●●●● 

Message par Enthalpy » Sam Juin 23, 2018 12:22 am

☆ This case is pending a QA inspection to be featured.

Well. Interesting genre for me to be reviewing.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson

Current AAO Development Priority: Issue #94: Grayscale Mode
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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ☆ 

Message par Tiagofvarela » Lun Juin 25, 2018 12:22 am

I've actually been waiting for this first part to finish development. That's why I haven't tried it until now. Visual Novels are very much my thing, so I'll be trying this out.
Spoiler : SoC :
This badge fills me with determination.
Miss Lawson. Having names in this world is a curse.
Godot's still working. Excellent. He's a brilliant teacher. Indeed.
She was hoping for Godot, brilliant.
Girl got prosecutor Debeste. RIP Girl.
I'm unsure if it's intentional or not, but Swift's smiling face with eyes closed has his eye and mouth twitch on the right side (from our perspective).
So many badges on the screen! THIS IS BADGE OVERLOAD
Why is bring out his cat???
Relentless training. This training does not relent.
Time to poke our nose all over his office.
He might be winning against himself, but I'd say he's also losing.
Better not leave fingerprints anywhere. This room is a murderhouse.
Just a simple ladder.
Such snoopery 'round the office.
When in trouble, present the badge! (G-guess that didn't work!)
Nooooo! I can't look away either! He'll scold me and I'll like it!
Falling spectacularly does always fix everything.
I'm not sure you can be a lawyer like that, Nina. You need to improve your time manipulation abilities or you won't be able to fit all those monologues in.
That Oldbag manages to get hired everywhere. Must be really good at buttering up employers.
"On my next break" ha ha, such joke.
Examining the suit with Edgeworth: "just how much it cost" should be 'costs'. Edit: Forgot the context. If it's past, 'cost' could work.
More people should own these unambiguous ladders. It would save the world a lot of strife.
Anything but having to deal with Gavin!
Franzisca butterwhips? Dropping Steel samurai statues left and right.
Oh, it's Kay. I thought it was Maggie for a while, but Kay does make more sense.
Fine!
Uggugugugugugu
What fine excuse making. Such BLUFF.
A girl at the concert says 'Prosecutur'
Bottoms up, Edgeworth.
Thank you for upDaTInG tHe AutOPsY REPorT.
Thank god Edgeworth has been properly teaching his students how to present badges.
The pink is overwhelming to the eyes. That is true.
Yes. Let us scorch the evidence to the lab.
Edgeworth! You should be intimately familiar with investigation sequences! Let Ms. Lawson investigate the room instead of listening to her friend.
Chapter 7. I'm afraid I'm not familiar with a 'sarky smile'.
Such ladder-minded people.
'The only thing he deserves is a thorough whipping', I think the line was, has too short a timer. I could barely read it.
Von Karma underwent a bit of development both during the investigations games and even the trilogy. I wonder what Von Karma the one here is. It's not too clear because either Von Karma will continue going on about perfection, but only one of them would let it get in the way of a proper investigation. Edit: Oh, Gavin is here. Right. That means post-investigations.
Ha! Franziska wants more female prosecutors. Got assigned with just boys. Regrettable. For them. They're gonna get whipped.
Yes, I do frequently hire security ladies for protection against security ladies.
Oh, yes. Godot was there at the start, but since this is post AJ... Huh. Continuity is hard to maintain, but it kinda works. Edit: The ages don't, so I'll just roll with it and whatever.
Okay, yes. I admit the way she brought up the subject all of a sudden is rather similar to presenting a profile.
'grow out of it soonTM'
When I present to Godot Godot's profile, he says 'why I am here to...'
Those sales figures do seem to have something of a bias problem.
When I present Justin, he says 'As for you try a...'
In the phone conversation with Nina, Godot's timer is too short.
Handkerchief not registered into evidence.
I need to keep presenting evidence. It is the only currency that can get me cat pictures!
I pity Godot. He can't tell Edgeworth to wear a differently coloured suit because he can't find him.
Who had the brilliant idea of asking Edgeworth 'what he really thinks'? Give me a single situation where that won't backfire.
I really don't see Edgeworth saying 'Sorry, sorry.', ever. Doesn't seem like something he'd say.
Godot is currently otherwise engaged discussing philosophy with Mr. Payne.
Franziska has no need for petty things such as presenting badges.
Spoiler : Thoughts :
Disclaimer: I have no idea how much is you and how much was in the original story, so I'll just not discriminate at all.
One of the things about Ace Attorney I have always found immensely fun, are those short moments where we get to see the character's normal lives without it being a case. Messing about with Trucy, cleaning toilers, being watered by Charlie...
So I knew for a fact that I'd like a lot of this setting, and I do! It's really good to see the characters interacting with one another outside of cases for a bit.

The humour feels really Ace Attorney all around. Presenting stuff, talking to people, it's fantastic! Lawson does make for an excellent protagonist.

In terms of the romance, which was more or less one of the focal points, I... I honestly don't know. I feel it should be subtler, but that would 'subtle' it out of existence, as it's very hard to notice to begin with. Perhaps the problem is that it's not my preferred form of get-together. I am always much more found of two people becoming used to the presence of one another in their lives and going from there. Unrequited feelings or having a character notice theirs considerably before the other is not my thing.

Anyhow, all characters felt like themselves when they were present (and I don't want to imagine what hell it must be trying to write Godot. If I tried, I'd probably end up putting two or three mentions of coffee every conversation and hope that passes), and as I said, the whole thing felt very genuine. Their thoughts and interactions in their normal day to day lives.
I will wait for the next part. I'm really glad a story like this exists in case form.
A Laggy Turnabout
A Batty Turnabout
A Tricky Turnabout
Upcoming: A Clumsy Turnabout, A Needy Turnabout, A Scholarly Turnabout
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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ☆ 

Message par Vielwerth » Lun Juin 25, 2018 6:22 pm

Tiagofvarela a écrit :I've actually been waiting for this first part to finish development. That's why I haven't tried it until now. Visual Novels are very much my thing, so I'll be trying this out.
Spoiler : SoC :
This badge fills me with determination.
Miss Lawson. Having names in this world is a curse.
Godot's still working. Excellent. He's a brilliant teacher. Indeed.
She was hoping for Godot, brilliant.
Girl got prosecutor Debeste. RIP Girl.
I'm unsure if it's intentional or not, but Swift's smiling face with eyes closed has his eye and mouth twitch on the right side (from our perspective).
So many badges on the screen! THIS IS BADGE OVERLOAD
Why is bring out his cat???
Relentless training. This training does not relent.
Time to poke our nose all over his office.
He might be winning against himself, but I'd say he's also losing.
Better not leave fingerprints anywhere. This room is a murderhouse.
Just a simple ladder.
Such snoopery 'round the office.
When in trouble, present the badge! (G-guess that didn't work!)
Nooooo! I can't look away either! He'll scold me and I'll like it!
Falling spectacularly does always fix everything.
I'm not sure you can be a lawyer like that, Nina. You need to improve your time manipulation abilities or you won't be able to fit all those monologues in.
That Oldbag manages to get hired everywhere. Must be really good at buttering up employers.
"On my next break" ha ha, such joke.
Examining the suit with Edgeworth: "just how much it cost" should be 'costs'. Edit: Forgot the context. If it's past, 'cost' could work.
More people should own these unambiguous ladders. It would save the world a lot of strife.
Anything but having to deal with Gavin!
Franzisca butterwhips? Dropping Steel samurai statues left and right.
Oh, it's Kay. I thought it was Maggie for a while, but Kay does make more sense.
Fine!
Uggugugugugugu
What fine excuse making. Such BLUFF.
A girl at the concert says 'Prosecutur'
Bottoms up, Edgeworth.
Thank you for upDaTInG tHe AutOPsY REPorT.
Thank god Edgeworth has been properly teaching his students how to present badges.
The pink is overwhelming to the eyes. That is true.
Yes. Let us scorch the evidence to the lab.
Edgeworth! You should be intimately familiar with investigation sequences! Let Ms. Lawson investigate the room instead of listening to her friend.
Chapter 7. I'm afraid I'm not familiar with a 'sarky smile'.
Such ladder-minded people.
'The only thing he deserves is a thorough whipping', I think the line was, has too short a timer. I could barely read it.
Von Karma underwent a bit of development both during the investigations games and even the trilogy. I wonder what Von Karma the one here is. It's not too clear because either Von Karma will continue going on about perfection, but only one of them would let it get in the way of a proper investigation. Edit: Oh, Gavin is here. Right. That means post-investigations.
Ha! Franziska wants more female prosecutors. Got assigned with just boys. Regrettable. For them. They're gonna get whipped.
Yes, I do frequently hire security ladies for protection against security ladies.
Oh, yes. Godot was there at the start, but since this is post AJ... Huh. Continuity is hard to maintain, but it kinda works. Edit: The ages don't, so I'll just roll with it and whatever.
Okay, yes. I admit the way she brought up the subject all of a sudden is rather similar to presenting a profile.
'grow out of it soonTM'
When I present to Godot Godot's profile, he says 'why I am here to...'
Those sales figures do seem to have something of a bias problem.
When I present Justin, he says 'As for you try a...'
In the phone conversation with Nina, Godot's timer is too short.
Handkerchief not registered into evidence.
I need to keep presenting evidence. It is the only currency that can get me cat pictures!
I pity Godot. He can't tell Edgeworth to wear a differently coloured suit because he can't find him.
Who had the brilliant idea of asking Edgeworth 'what he really thinks'? Give me a single situation where that won't backfire.
I really don't see Edgeworth saying 'Sorry, sorry.', ever. Doesn't seem like something he'd say.
Godot is currently otherwise engaged discussing philosophy with Mr. Payne.
Franziska has no need for petty things such as presenting badges.
Spoiler : Thoughts :
Disclaimer: I have no idea how much is you and how much was in the original story, so I'll just not discriminate at all.
One of the things about Ace Attorney I have always found immensely fun, are those short moments where we get to see the character's normal lives without it being a case. Messing about with Trucy, cleaning toilers, being watered by Charlie...
So I knew for a fact that I'd like a lot of this setting, and I do! It's really good to see the characters interacting with one another outside of cases for a bit.

The humour feels really Ace Attorney all around. Presenting stuff, talking to people, it's fantastic! Lawson does make for an excellent protagonist.

In terms of the romance, which was more or less one of the focal points, I... I honestly don't know. I feel it should be subtler, but that would 'subtle' it out of existence, as it's very hard to notice to begin with. Perhaps the problem is that it's not my preferred form of get-together. I am always much more found of two people becoming used to the presence of one another in their lives and going from there. Unrequited feelings or having a character notice theirs considerably before the other is not my thing.

Anyhow, all characters felt like themselves when they were present (and I don't want to imagine what hell it must be trying to write Godot. If I tried, I'd probably end up putting two or three mentions of coffee every conversation and hope that passes), and as I said, the whole thing felt very genuine. Their thoughts and interactions in their normal day to day lives.
I will wait for the next part. I'm really glad a story like this exists in case form.


Thank you for playing! ^^ I really enjoyed reading all of your comments xD And thanks for the corrections, too - I've gone ahead and implemented all of the smaller fixes :)

Thank you as well for your positive feedback! It's always nice to see when someone's enjoyed something you've had a hand in making :)

A couple of responses to some of the bigger things you brought up:
Spoiler : :
Edgeworth saying "sorry, sorry".
You may have guessed this, but this was basically a direct translation from his line in the original fic. I kind of agree with you that it's not something he would say (or, that his Japanese version is more likely to say it due to nuance differences between languages), but part of it I think is how the original author wrote the relationship between Edgeworth and Franziska. Not just in this story, but one of her others, she emphasises their sibling-like relationship a lot more than imo is ever portrayed in the games. It might be partly because she wants to play down the possibility of Franziska as a possible love rival to protag, or it might just be how she interprets them. If you remember, there's a scene where Edgeworth is laughing with her in his office in (iirc) chapter 7, and that's something else I found a bit ooc, to be honest. But at the same time, I can see it may be part of what you were saying - characters in their personal lives which is not seen much in the game. As far as I see it, a slightly fed-up "sorry, sorry", may be part of their sibling-like relationship, according to the author. Because it's in the original though, I don't think I'd want to change it, but I might see if I can think of a way to word it better, or more Edgeworthy, without changing the translation.

About the romance.
I can kind of see what you mean, I think. In this case, I tried to keep it faithful to the original. I do like the romantic aspects myself, although I do have one critique, which is that I don't think it's entirely clear enough how Edgeworth feels at this point. I don't want to go too deep into this in case it gets into spoiler territory, but in my interpretation, he DOES already have feelings for her, but doesn't quite realise it yet, or is mistaking it for something else. (e.g. he gets jealous of Klavier and Godot, and wants to check up on Nina a lot to make sure she's okay etc.) So I wouldn't say it's entirely unrequited at this point, but just because of how Edgeworth is as a character, it seems like that at this point too, depending on how you read it. I think any feelings he does have at this point are still small, and will start to grow in later chapters.

On von Karma
I will need to go back and have a look at this scene. I may well have Flanderised her a little bit on the interactive parts, so I'm gonna go and check if I could change anything. In my mind, her presence wasn't very strong for me in either of Investigations games, whereas I recently finished replaying JfA, so that could be the influence here. About the timeline: it's written in the read-me at the start (wouldn't blame you if you didn't read it, because most people don't and I probably wouldn't have, haha), but the timeline of the games is largely ignored. So just take things with a pinch of salt xD


But yes, thank you for playing and for your feedback! It's very much appreciated! I hope you'll enjoy part 2 just as much :)
Vielwerth
 
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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ☆ Part 2: ●○○○○○ 

Message par Vielwerth » Lun Juil 09, 2018 1:13 pm

Just a quick update!
I've now completed chapter 15, the first chapter of part 2.
This is a link to part 2: http://www.aaonline.fr/player.php?trial_id=103764

Chapter 15 acts as a sort of prologue to the second part, so it isn't very long, but just so people know that it's completed.

I've also made a few very minor tweaks to part 1 on the request of the original author.
Vielwerth
 
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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ●●●●●●●●●●●●●●● 

Message par kidusrox » Jeu Juil 12, 2018 2:54 am

Vielwerth a écrit :Hello!
Just to say, the entirety of part 1 is now complete! I'll be submitting it to QA, and then be starting immediately on Part 2.
Please let me know if there are any questions or feedback or anything :)
Thank you for playing!


Finally got time to play the rest of Part 1 and I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PUT ME IN THE CREDITS! Thank you so much! I'm gonna go edit this video right after posting this, and it'll go up tomorrow.

Honestly, this has been incredible. I can't describe how much I've enjoyed it so far! I'll be waiting in anticipation for the rest of the story.
kidusrox
 
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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ☆ Part 2: ●○○○○○ 

Message par Enthalpy » Lun Juil 23, 2018 1:51 am

Thanks for your patience with my crazy schedule!

Now that the competition is taken care of, I can get back to the QA review.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson

Current AAO Development Priority: Issue #94: Grayscale Mode
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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ☆ Part 2: ●○○○○○ 

Message par Vielwerth » Ven Août 10, 2018 5:38 pm

Chapter 16 is now complete!

Sorry this one took so long! I had a bit of writer's block in the investigation bit. But I got past it, and it's all done now!
Part 2 has chapter select, just like part 1, so if you've already played chapter 15, you can just skip straight to 16.


And I have a special hint for this chapter: Examine the Steel Samurai statue in Edgeworth's office. Because I spent far too long on that section and I think there are a lot of people who don't examine anything at all ^^; But if you examine it, you'll be in for a treat~

And thank you Enthalpy for accepting this for QA review! I'm looking forward to the feedback so that I can tighten up part 1.

I'm hoping chapter 17 won't take me too long!

kidusrox a écrit :Finally got time to play the rest of Part 1 and I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU PUT ME IN THE CREDITS! Thank you so much! I'm gonna go edit this video right after posting this, and it'll go up tomorrow.

Honestly, this has been incredible. I can't describe how much I've enjoyed it so far! I'll be waiting in anticipation for the rest of the story.


Aha, no problem! You've really helped me to get more interest in this, and I love watching you play through it! So I'm the one who should be grateful :)
Vielwerth
 
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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ☆ Part 2: ●○○○○○ 

Message par Enthalpy » Ven Août 24, 2018 1:25 am

Thanks again for your patience with the review. It's been a combination of letting myself be carried away with work and this being a difficult review for me. This is not my usual genre, by any means.

I'll have something more concrete by this time next week. Remind me here if I forget.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson

Current AAO Development Priority: Issue #94: Grayscale Mode
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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ☆ Part 2: ●○○○○○ 

Message par Vielwerth » Ven Août 31, 2018 2:54 pm

Enthalpy a écrit :Thanks again for your patience with the review. It's been a combination of letting myself be carried away with work and this being a difficult review for me. This is not my usual genre, by any means.

I'll have something more concrete by this time next week. Remind me here if I forget.


Hey, it's no problem! I know how hectic life can get and stuff, so I'm not getting impatient or anything, and I know this is a little niche, so ^^;

Nevertheless, here's the reminder you asked for :)
Vielwerth
 
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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ☆ Part 2: ●○○○○○ 

Message par Enthalpy » Lun Sep 03, 2018 1:58 am

Thank you. Before I get any further, I should confirm...

Spoiler : :
A game like this needs to be evaluated on its own terms, and it is so niche, I want to make sure that I have the big picture of what it's trying to be right. On the most superficial level, it's a visual novel about our female protagonist dating Edgeworth, but...

* A prominent concern is the people of the prosecutor's office. This is why we spend a great deal of time with other prosecutors like Franziska and Klavier, as well as office workers and a trainee prosecutor who loves to gossip about the office.
* Nina is meant to be partway between a reader insert and a character in her own right.
* This is meant to be very "fluffy," both in the sense of minimal conflict (the tension of Justin possibly losing his job is resolved in the same chapter) and in the sense of details not being particularly important for individual scenes. Big picture movements are enough. It's enough to see feelings growing in, not the in-depth psychology.
* The main dynamic driving the ship is...
For Edgeworth, slipping into a protector and mentor role while also dealing with his "difficulties" with women and social awkwardness.
For Nina, growing as a prosecutor, overcoming her initial impressions that Edgeworth is completely cold, and also acting more, as opposed to just thinking about what she wants.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson

Current AAO Development Priority: Issue #94: Grayscale Mode
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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ☆ Part 2: ●○○○○○ 

Message par Vielwerth » Jeu Sep 06, 2018 10:38 pm

Answers in the spoilers!

Enthalpy a écrit :Thank you. Before I get any further, I should confirm...

Spoiler : :
A game like this needs to be evaluated on its own terms, and it is so niche, I want to make sure that I have the big picture of what it's trying to be right. On the most superficial level, it's a visual novel about our female protagonist dating Edgeworth, but...

* A prominent concern is the people of the prosecutor's office. This is why we spend a great deal of time with other prosecutors like Franziska and Klavier, as well as office workers and a trainee prosecutor who loves to gossip about the office.
I think so mostly, yes. The other characters aid to add to the immersion of this being a self-insert and help to pace things out so that it's not just Edgeworth-Nina-Edgeworth-Nina. They are important, but at the same time, no more than side characters, really.

* Nina is meant to be partway between a reader insert and a character in her own right.
Yes, but more towards the self-insert side of things. However, this being a game rather than a fic and mostly being told through her eyes rather than narration, she seems to have picked up a bit more of a personality than in the original work.

* This is meant to be very "fluffy," both in the sense of minimal conflict (the tension of Justin possibly losing his job is resolved in the same chapter) and in the sense of details not being particularly important for individual scenes. Big picture movements are enough. It's enough to see feelings growing in, not the in-depth psychology.
Yes. The main conflicts act only as a device to move Edgeworth and Nina towards each other emotionally (e.g. with Justin potentionally losing his job, it's more of a device to have Nina realise that Edgeworth would do something like that for one of his students and be impressed by it). The main, overarching conflict about Nina's past starting around Chapter 10 is also primarily a device to this effect, rather than a way to flesh out Nina's character, though that it does is an added bonus.

* The main dynamic driving the ship is...
For Edgeworth, slipping into a protector and mentor role while also dealing with his "difficulties" with women and social awkwardness.
For Nina, growing as a prosecutor, overcoming her initial impressions that Edgeworth is completely cold, and also acting more, as opposed to just thinking about what she wants.
Yes, I would say so. For Edgeworth as well, a key point is his lack of awareness around his own feelings (he knows he feels this way towards Nina, but he can't put a label on it (i.e. romantic attraction) because he's never experienced it before.). For Nina as well, there's also solving the case in her past which is her main motivation, but also a big driving force between her and Edgeworth coming together (though this is mostly relevant starting from part 2).


I think that's it. Let me know if there's anything else. I should say as well, that these answers are what I understand from the original work having read the whole thing, and the original author may have intended some things differently to how I've interpreted them.

Thank you very much! I'm looking forward to the feedback!
Vielwerth
 
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Re: [M] Miles Edgeworth Dating Sim; Part 1: ☆ Part 2: ●○○○○○ 

Message par Vielwerth » Lun Sep 17, 2018 7:27 pm

Hello!
Just a quick note to say that Chapter 17 is complete! It took a long time because I made the decision to put in a CG. I'm not a great artist, but I'm hoping it will do its job, as the scene in question just couldn't be done justice with text alone.

Anyway, I'm off to start Chapter 18! I hope you will all enjoy it!
Vielwerth
 
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