v6?! it burns, it buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurns
gee i wundur who the killer iz
I considered many options regarding introducing the story's premise. I went with being pretty open about it, only took care of Angela having logical reasons of being oblivious to the end.
"Oh, don't worry, your client is also here. I was with him the entire time since the police's questioning." 4 lines.
... And this is what I hate about 4 lines, it's not 4 lines on my comp.
"I am, Mr Gavin.
I'll handle this with no worries.
(Good, I sound confident.)" missing a period after Mr
Technically, when calling Krissy "Boss," it should be capitalized. (If you can replace "boss" with "Mr. Gavin" and the sentence would be unchanged, it should be capitalized.)
Grammar nazi
"(He could have some more mature hobby instead...
I'm collecting plushies, for example.)" 4 lines. ...At least for me. It created a linebreak after "instead," but that could've been my comp freaking out or something.
Nothing makes a better impression in court than an exposed midriff. (Also Angela's buttons are on the wrong side of her jacket.)
Na na na na, I don't hear you, future fashion has different buttons, na na na.
"I'm dressed according to our
modern standards, Your Honor.(Viva la feminist revolution!)" missing a space there.
"There's nothing wrong in using own gifts. Master them, and the court will eat from the palm of your hand." 4 lines
It should be "prospect," but "perspective."
All that black space in the map is really annoying... although I suspect that's a v6 issue.
v6
"Mr. Carter didn't fall while standing on the ladder with his back towards it, he was pushed onto it." The comma should be a period.
"With what was nearly a water leak, Mr. Carter had to take the lamp away, so he put the ladder under it." 4 lines. At this point, I'm going to stop pointing them out--you need to go through and find/fix them yourself.
BUT THEY AREN'T HERE ON MY COMP
It should really be "Witness's Account" instead of just "Witness Account"...
PRODUCT PLACEMENT~
When presenting the AC to show Oldbag knew stuff about just an hour before the murder, the conversation immediately after presenting should be expanded a bit to make the explanation of the contradiction a bit clearer--you basically just gloss over it.
Alright, though I believe it is pretty obvious.
Enth approved the use of "bastard" appearing twice in Turnabouts of the Father, so I'm going to assume doing the same here is ok...
Despite the supposed arrangement we have, we seem to be questioning Dark pretty directly...
By his 2nd CE he calmed down and Angela still asks questions in polite/professional way, so there are no problems. I can add before CE the Judge just telling her to be polite.
oh god... I presented the ladder/stepladder thing as a joke xD
I'm... not understanding this ladder contradiction too well. Is the problem that he didn't see it until after it was broken? Idk, a bit more clarification here would help.
Bobby made mistake, he wasn't aware that stepladder was broken. I can add Angela saying his lie broke apart because he didn't know about the original state of the stepladder.
I don't like how I can't present Oldbag not hearing the crash for Bobby's second testimony...
And where exactly you want to present it, when it is all about him leaving before this happened? Or do you mean 3rd CE? I can add Angela saying "But there is no point arguing here about impressions". The reminder about Oldbag serves as a hint to final present against Bobby.
How did Bobby go to the second floor and stay there without getting a recording in the security log, or running into Oldbag?
(I'd like you to put in conversations addressing these--either in the presses, or through special present convos)
I'm a European, so I'm using European British English ;P There is ground floor, first floor and second floor. I can clarify this.
why was an 11 year old kid watching a murder trial xD
WAT HOW DID BOBBY KNOW WHERE IN THE ROOM THE COKE CAN WAS LEFT, ANGELA CALL HIM OUT ON IT D:
... Because it was right in front of the exit? You can see where it was on the floor plan.
Nice checkpoint system. However, for this final testimony, I'd put in full-bar penalty flashes at the "press further" options. I know you put a warning at the beginning of the CE, but when dealing with auto-lose stuff more clarity is always good.
OK
...Wait, is the location of the coke can visible from the entrance of the backroom? I thought it wasn't, since it doesn't seem to be in the photo... I thought it was obscured by the shelf on the left......... (I guess I'd like some clarification somewhere on this, since it seems like it could easily be the contradiction)
Look above. It is on small cupboard near window that purposely wasn't on any flashback or photo. Payne also said as much when he presented the can.
For the first contradiction in the last testimony, I'd also let the player present Evan. After all, it was his testimony that you're using.
Alright, but you still will have to specify this by presenting Carter. And I will have to temporarily take from Evan like 90 points of IQ, to prevent him from telling you the answer.
Every time you have Angela talk without an on-screen character, there's no nametag. (So before the final lobby scene, after the final lobby scene, and after Evan leaves at home)
Intentional, it's narration.
In the lobby scene, you have a "Mr.Gavin" (without a space)
Technically double jeopardy isn't a "law"...
Whatever, Evan is not a lawyer ;P
*egotistical
Some credits music would be nice...
Nah, silence fits well after such reveal. DO NOT QUESTION MY ARTISTIC VISION.
Welp that just happened. Some stuff like the ID card and missing tools still don't really make sense with Evan as the murderer (yeah, Bobby said in his final testimony that Evan must have framed him, but that was when Bobby was in the area to see Evan leaving, but if Bobby didn't actually see it, so he wasn't there, it's questionable how Evan knew Bobby was there to frame him), but oh well.
I guarantee that the explanation for everything exists.
Let's break it down, I guess
Presentation/Bugs: There's no bugs or anything, at least that I found, so that's good. There were a lot of four-liners, so that needs to be fixed. I'm not going to make you change it since it's basically impossible to change (unless that was changed in v6?), but in the future I recommend thinking in advance about the order you put evidence into the editor--try to put it in in the same order the player will get it, because that will look the most natural in-game, especially when updating evidence.
This case was rewritten many times.
Writing/Characterization: The canon characters were all in-character, and the original characters were fine. Angela and Evan didn't seem to be much special, but you probably don't want your main characters to be too flamboyance, and Bobby had plenty of character. I'm not really thrilled with the idea of yet another young genius attorney with a traumatic past who became an attorney several years early by studying in Europe, but the execution was fine. Some things seemed kinda silly, like the clothes Angela wore in court, but you pointed it out yourself and made it part of her character, so it was fine. Angela really kicked it up a notch once Bobby mentioned her past, and Evan had his reveal at the end.
Angela, genius? Pfffff, do I really need to count all her mistakes? She messed up with her Thought Route! And she isn't as young as other AA Euro lawyers. Originally I wanted her to be 23, but I had to change this because of other decisions.
Proofreading/Clarification: This probably belongs in the earlier section, but it was getting long and I didn't want it to get lost at the end. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is, but something about the dialogue just seems... stiff and stilted. Like I said, I can't pinpoint exactly what it was, but that was just the feeling I got. I'm not going to make you change things for this, since it was all still okay, but in the future you might want to get a proofreader or someone to help with this. Aside from this, there were also a few places where I felt you went over the logic/contradictions a bit too quickly, and could use a bit more explicit clarification.
You aren't the first to tell me this. I guess that's the effect of English not being my native language.
Sprites/Graphics: Everything was great, especially the custom graphics. They weren't 100% identical to AA style, but they were close enough, and much more than most trials--this is really not a place where you can be too choosy in a fantrial.
Music/SFX: The "canon" music was good, as was the custom music. Not much to say here. If you want custom voice clips, I'd recommend checking out the voice acting alliance.
