[T] A Journey of Turnabouts ○○○

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Powerstar9
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[T] A Journey of Turnabouts ○○○

Post by Powerstar9 »

Image
(Boxart not final)

It is the year 20XX. Viktor Trump is the president of the country of Jamerica and of Trump Towers- the most mysterious and wealthiest company in the world. In Jamerica, defendants are “guilty until proven innocent,” and the rumored Video Game characters- or VGs for short- are said to live here. No one has ever been able to confirm their presence, but unexplained phenomenon, seemingly impossible crimes, and the lengths Trump Towers goes to cover them up keep the myth alive.

A young rookie defense attorney starts off his career in his first trial, but the outcome of the trial is beyond his wildest expectations. It is an outcome that will set him off on a journey to unravel the mysteries of the VGs, a journey to unravel the mysteries surrounding Trump Towers;

A journey to unravel the mysteries about himself.


The Turnabout of Power (In Progress- *Click Here to Play the Demo)
The Turnabout of Wisdom (To Be Developed)
The Turnabout of Courage (To Be Developed)

I'm working on writing Turnabout of Power at the moment and am busy finishing up college, so expect an update sometime in the summer.

*Some story elements, sprites, and character names will be different from the demo.
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DWard14
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Re: [T] A Journey of Turnabouts ○○○

Post by DWard14 »

My thoughts (In the QA format, but THIS IS NOT AN OFFICIAL QA REVIEW):
Spoiler : :
Presentation: There were hardly any four liners. In the demo there's never a point where you need to present something so I can't really judge the size of your penalties. All the evidence and profiles have proper descriptions and are revealed at the proper times with dialogues saying when the evidence is added.

Writing: You have a good prologue that sets up the story and makes sense in hindsight (My theory is that the murder occurred when the VGs were being sold as slaves of sorts and that's why they were bound up.) The defendant lobby conversation is of an appropriate length and introduces us to the characters (as well as adding some mystery to the proceedings, something not many cases do.) The gameplay is explained well enough. The biggest issue is that most of the characters seem quite one dimensional, with the only exception being maybe Power.

Proofreading: No problems here.

Sprites: The profiles pictures for the VGs look nice.

Music: The music and sound effects are all well chosen.

Case Logic: Not really applicable (no contradictions) but I have one thing to say: There are a lot of elements here that are really random.
#1: Jamerica. I know it's the fan term for the Ace Attorney games' Japan-America hybrid country but still, why not just America because...
#2: Viktor Trump and Trump Towers. If you're gonna make it Trump, why not just use Donald? Why even use Trump? The guy in the cover art doesn't even look like him! Why not Viktor von Richmann, or another more original name?
#3: VGs? The concept is explained well but it just feels so weird, especially Sora. Link sorta makes sense given the case titles match up with the triforce but Sora doesn't have any purpose. But still, you could replace the VGs with fairies of elves or centaurs and the plot would still work minus the case names.
They aren't really problems as much as they are observations.

Differences: The evidence messages are in blue text. Timestamps use the correct syntax. The main character's profile is visible, though, and it doesn't show the characters full name.
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Powerstar9
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Re: [T] A Journey of Turnabouts ○○○

Post by Powerstar9 »

DWard14 wrote:My thoughts (In the QA format, but THIS IS NOT AN OFFICIAL QA REVIEW):
Spoiler : :
Presentation: There were hardly any four liners. In the demo there's never a point where you need to present something so I can't really judge the size of your penalties. All the evidence and profiles have proper descriptions and are revealed at the proper times with dialogues saying when the evidence is added.

Writing: You have a good prologue that sets up the story and makes sense in hindsight (My theory is that the murder occurred when the VGs were being sold as slaves of sorts and that's why they were bound up.) The defendant lobby conversation is of an appropriate length and introduces us to the characters (as well as adding some mystery to the proceedings, something not many cases do.) The gameplay is explained well enough. The biggest issue is that most of the characters seem quite one dimensional, with the only exception being maybe Power.

Proofreading: No problems here.

Sprites: The profiles pictures for the VGs look nice.

Music: The music and sound effects are all well chosen.

Case Logic: Not really applicable (no contradictions) but I have one thing to say: There are a lot of elements here that are really random.
#1: Jamerica. I know it's the fan term for the Ace Attorney games' Japan-America hybrid country but still, why not just America because...
#2: Viktor Trump and Trump Towers. If you're gonna make it Trump, why not just use Donald? Why even use Trump? The guy in the cover art doesn't even look like him! Why not Viktor von Richmann, or another more original name?
#3: VGs? The concept is explained well but it just feels so weird, especially Sora. Link sorta makes sense given the case titles match up with the triforce but Sora doesn't have any purpose. But still, you could replace the VGs with fairies of elves or centaurs and the plot would still work minus the case names.
They aren't really problems as much as they are observations.

Differences: The evidence messages are in blue text. Timestamps use the correct syntax. The main character's profile is visible, though, and it doesn't show the characters full name.
Thank you for the critique! I really appreciate it!
Spoiler : :
Ok. I'm gonna be honest, I was drinking a can of sprite and spent half a day writing it out through the case maker. It was going to be a single case, but half-way through it, I realized I could flesh-out this idea of mine and not half-ass it. That said, I like to put in my thoughts about your "Case Logic" points:

#1: I may as well choose America for the name. It's a setting people would probably find more relatable than -insert country X with original and convoluted history here.-

#2: The antagonist and Trump Towers are definitely getting renamed. That was just me being unable to decide between making an OC or using a real-life figure. Since I'm in my right mind, I think one minor reference to Donald Trump will suffice since, well, he's my inspiration.

#3: I'll admit, I kinda just threw Sora in there for the sake of showing off the concept. OCs will more than likely be implemented here, but I want to keep Link as the central focus. There's an underlying theme I have in mind for each case, and I think the names suit them.
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Enthalpy
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Re: [T] A Journey of Turnabouts ○○○

Post by Enthalpy »

I opened up the case, but the "Loading sounds" bar showed a lot of red, which indicates that some of your sounds aren't loading. Can you check that all of your music/sound files are working? If they are, I'll look into why AAO is telling me some haven't loaded.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
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Powerstar9
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Re: [T] A Journey of Turnabouts ○○○

Post by Powerstar9 »

Enthalpy wrote:I opened up the case, but the "Loading sounds" bar showed a lot of red, which indicates that some of your sounds aren't loading. Can you check that all of your music/sound files are working? If they are, I'll look into why AAO is telling me some haven't loaded.
I've played and play-tested it on Safari, Chrome, Firefox, and on different internet connections. It should be working fine.
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Enthalpy
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Re: [T] A Journey of Turnabouts ○○○

Post by Enthalpy »

Strange. Your custom music is refusing to load for me. I can access the music directly just fine, but not in the editor.

I can't think of an obvious reason why this might happen, but I may do some more testing.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
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