[T] A turnabout divided part 1

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jacobisbatman
Posts: 11
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[T] A turnabout divided part 1

Post by jacobisbatman »

Hello,
I have just released the first part of my first case titled 'A turnabout divided'. Here is the link to part 1
http://www.aaonline.fr/player.php?trial_id=101365 . I will hopefully be releasing the second and final part to this case within a few weeks and will at that point decide whether to make a series of cases or leave it as a standalone

The case follows a rather fresh attorney named Thomas Barker, a quirky potassium loving man tasked with defending his best friend. His best friend Jacob Whyte is a private detective accused of murdering his ex-teacher at an academy where a recent embezzlement scheme has been uncovered. Along the way we meet April May, Thomas's short tempered boss, Molly Mosey, Thomas's girlfriend and Nikkita Peitsche, a prosecutor who used to be a student alongside Tom and Jacob.

I would kindly ask that anyone who tries my case to leave a review so I can learn whether or not it is good. This can be in terms of writing, structure, testimonies, characterisation, plot etc.

Thanks and enjoy!
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trialdude
Posts: 96
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Re: [T] A turnabout divided part 1

Post by trialdude »

All right, I'll give it a try.
Spoiler : SoC :
-The evidence should be hidden before I start the case.
-Aw, no music in the intro?
-Lots of missing periods
-Typewriter... so... slow...
-Oh dear, it seems that Ms. May's bottom half is invisible!
-Molly is a man!? Oh wait, her voice just isn't set to female.
-All cards are identical? I smell card-swapping shenanigans!
-Looks like Helga didn't care that much about her secrets if she just left that note lying around...
-Transition to court is kinda jarring... maybe add a timed black frame?
-The judge didn't react at all to the whip? Wow, that's one tough old man!
-Everyone's acting all shocked that Nikkita dated Jacob, but no one's shocked that a whip is considered a good Valentine's Day gift? :)
-I don't know why a banana milkshake is so funny to me, but it is.
-Aw, no change of music for opening statement?
-The murder took place right after the time in the note? That's not a coincidence...
-The only evidence the prosecution has is the coat and hat and the key card? That's really flimsy. Maybe the prosecution should've done more investigation.
-No, Your Honor, that's not decisive evidence.
-Geez, Molly, calm down, it won't be that hard.
-Oh, a witness? Must be the killer then lol
-The witness is already in the courtroom and the music still hasn't changed. Also no detective testimony I guess.
-There's suddenly a lot of missing tags for some reason
-Yikes, that's a lot of evidence. Hopefully the contradiction won't be too hard
-You missed a Hold It on the first press convo.
-On the one hand, I wanted key card logs, but on the other hand, there is so much evidence to work with now.
-Wait, who is Gia Metry anyway? Not in the profiles.
-Okay, so the presence of Gia metry's key card doesn't contradict the third statement, but I got a Pokemon joke, so I'm not too mad.
-Maybe I'm just supposed to accuse Helga?
-Oh wait I can't, she doesn't have a profile.
-I got it. The logs prove that Gia Metry was there, but not Gia's key card? Oh well.
-Aw man, where's my objection music?
-She saw the defendant covered in blood!? Why not mention this before!?
-I didn't see any contradictions, so time to press I guess
-Oh, maybe Gia swapped her card with Whyte's? Did I just solve the case?
-Yes, Molly, I know that if we don't come up with something now then Jacob's done for. You've only said it a million times.
-Got it, she couldn't have seen the defendant because she was on a call. But none of the evidence is working...
-Wait, it was the note? But what about MY contradiction?
-I thought that since it was a missed call, she actually didn't do what the note said. Now I'm confused.
-Oh, I'm stupid, the logs are for the reception phone, whoops.
-SHE'S A FAKE RUSSIAN!
-I thought I could present the "all cards are identical" to prove she could've left undetected, but I guess I was wrong. :(
-Brown hair? I wonder who THAT could be? Hmmmmmm.....
-I just now realized the pun in the victim's name haha
-And Gia's a geometry teacher isn't she? Ah, puns.
-All right, I think I've figured it out now. I'm guessing she swapped cards with Whyte to fake her leaving, stole his clothes and killed the victim. Can't wait for part 2 so I can rub it in her face!


I'm not experienced enough to give a real review, but I enjoyed myself. Plenty of grammar issues and other missing effects, and the puzzle design could use some work, but it's far from irredeemable. I had fun!
I have the stupidest username in all of AAO. Nowhere else will you find one more stupid.
jacobisbatman
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2018 5:27 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English

Re: [T] A turnabout divided part 1

Post by jacobisbatman »

Ok thanks.
I'll get to work making those changes. Also in terms of grammatical errors please bear in mind that Miss Orlov is supposed to speak oddly because she is a 'native Russian'

Also sorry for so much evidence but without it there would have been some major plot holes
jacobisbatman
Posts: 11
Joined: Sun Feb 04, 2018 5:27 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English

Re: [T] A turnabout divided part 1

Post by jacobisbatman »

Just wanted to inform you all that A turnabout divided part 2 has been released. I believe it is by no means a perfect case however as a starting block for the adventures of Thomas Barker and the May and co Law offices I am very happy with how its gone

I am currently working on my second case 'Turnabout comes to lunch' and hopefully I will be able to release the first part within a few weeks.
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