Hi,
This will be my first AAO trial.
Apologies for some floating sprites.
Report any bugs too.
http://www.aaonline.fr/player.php?trial_id=102649
Turnabout The First
Moderators: EN - Forum Moderators, EN - Trial Reviewers
-
- Posts: 8
- Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2018 6:47 pm
- Gender: Male
- Spoken languages: English
Re: Turnabout The First
AAO community is pretty anemic this days, when it comes to posting feedback. Especially for newcomers' trials. But I'll try to give some pointers.
I went through the first CE (the contradiction was fine) and I think it’s enough.
This is clearly your first trial. You didn’t time frames that should time timed, there is plenty of frames with 4 lines and you make some odd choices with the backgrounds. You need to familiarize yourself with the editor and not make such mistakes (maybe you had some artistic idea with the backgrounds, but I don’t get it).
Writing wise, characterization is bare-bones. As I looked through the editor, plenty of crazy stuff happens in the story. Crazier than the trial being used to test a computer prosecutor put on a witness stand, which allowed for the defendant to be put behind the prosecution’s bench. Perhaps this trial is a comedy, but you didn’t mark it in such a way.
Either way, the writing didn’t hook me. Even a comedy needs good jokes and the computer prosecutor was just fine. And since you also make some other mistakes with the editor, and also make bizarre background choices, and also make grammatical errors that I notice… Yeah, this made me lose my interest. And will do the same for anybody.
Still, don’t be discouraged. Nobody's first trial is good, or even passable. If you wish to continue case making, familiarize yourself with the editor. If English isn’t your native language, like it isn’t my, get somebody’s help with it. If it is, work on it a bit.
Also, firmly state if your trial is supposed to be a comedy or is supposed to be taken seriously. So far, this looked like an entry for the previous comp, which was about making purposefully bad trials.
Spoiler : :
This is clearly your first trial. You didn’t time frames that should time timed, there is plenty of frames with 4 lines and you make some odd choices with the backgrounds. You need to familiarize yourself with the editor and not make such mistakes (maybe you had some artistic idea with the backgrounds, but I don’t get it).
Writing wise, characterization is bare-bones. As I looked through the editor, plenty of crazy stuff happens in the story. Crazier than the trial being used to test a computer prosecutor put on a witness stand, which allowed for the defendant to be put behind the prosecution’s bench. Perhaps this trial is a comedy, but you didn’t mark it in such a way.
Either way, the writing didn’t hook me. Even a comedy needs good jokes and the computer prosecutor was just fine. And since you also make some other mistakes with the editor, and also make bizarre background choices, and also make grammatical errors that I notice… Yeah, this made me lose my interest. And will do the same for anybody.
Still, don’t be discouraged. Nobody's first trial is good, or even passable. If you wish to continue case making, familiarize yourself with the editor. If English isn’t your native language, like it isn’t my, get somebody’s help with it. If it is, work on it a bit.
Also, firmly state if your trial is supposed to be a comedy or is supposed to be taken seriously. So far, this looked like an entry for the previous comp, which was about making purposefully bad trials.
- Enthalpy
- Community Manager
- Posts: 5172
- Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 4:40 am
- Gender: Male
- Spoken languages: English, limited Spanish
Re: Turnabout The First
Having just played this...
What did I just play? I'm honestly not sure what this trial is supposed to be. It isn't a comedy or a serious case, so did you just put random ideas into the editor, or is there some method behind the madness?
What did I just play? I'm honestly not sure what this trial is supposed to be. It isn't a comedy or a serious case, so did you just put random ideas into the editor, or is there some method behind the madness?
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
- Ferdielance
- Posts: 778
- Joined: Sun Mar 09, 2008 12:46 am
- Gender: Male
- Spoken languages: English
Re: Turnabout The First
Review:
Two trials like this would be too many, but one is just enough. I'm giving this a baffled thumbs-up.
Two trials like this would be too many, but one is just enough. I'm giving this a baffled thumbs-up.
Spoiler : I mean :
"A slow sort of country!" said the Queen. "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"