[M]Apollo Justice: Forgotten Justice [CANCELED]

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DetectiveWhite
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[M]Apollo Justice: Forgotten Justice [CANCELED]

Post by DetectiveWhite »

Hello, thank you for clicking this post! This is my first fan-series of Ace Attorney, being one test that ended up becoming a prologue to a series that I want to share with other fans, I present Apollo Justice: Forgotten Justice.

Image

History
Spoiler : :
Apollo Justice, a renowned rookie lawyer ends up suffering an accident that makes him lose his memory and yet is involved in a murder that is connected to something much bigger than him and everyone around him, needing to defend himself and everyone, even without his memories.
Chapter 1 - What is a Turnabout? Complete
Parts
Spoiler : Part 2 :
Problems of the past, present and future: http://www.aaonline.fr/player.php?trial_id=107041
Screenshots
Image
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Credits
Spoiler : :
I've used backgrounds from Google images and evidence I've taken from Ace Attorney's wikia, both in Part 1 and Part 2 and will probably repeat itself in the following parts and chapters.
Apollo's front sprites belongs to Asbronaut Sprites. http://forums.court-records.net/viewtop ... 2#p1229489
If have something wrong with this post, or have a mistake that I couldn't find in the playtest of my cases, know that I am sorry and I will try to improve on it and if anyone knows how to do sprites and is willing to help me with this, then contact me.
Last edited by DetectiveWhite on Thu Aug 22, 2019 6:42 pm, edited 6 times in total.
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DWaM
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Re: [M]Apollo Justice: Forgotten Justice

Post by DWaM »

It'd be a good idea to re-upload all those images to imgur or somewhere that has links that end in the flename extension (IE, .png) otherwise the [img] tag won't work on it.
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DetectiveWhite
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Re: [M]Apollo Justice: Forgotten Justice

Post by DetectiveWhite »

DWaM wrote:It'd be a good idea to re-upload all those images to imgur or somewhere that has links that end in the flename extension (IE, .png) otherwise the [img] tag won't work on it.
I tried, but I'll try again, thanks for the tip.
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DWaM
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Re: [M]Apollo Justice: Forgotten Justice

Post by DWaM »

Anyway, I played through what's there.
Spoiler : Thoughts :
  • It's pretty short, not a whole lot to go on in terms of plot, but there's still quite a few things to comment on.
  • You shouldn't have hotlinked Apollo's phone image directly from the wikia, but downloaded and reuploaded it yourself on imgur or somesuch. Same with backgrounds from google images and such.
  • I really, really strongly suggest you get someone to proofread the case for you. I can tell English likely isn't your first language. And while I understood the general plot, the awkward phrasing in translation took me out of a lot of things. (The issue is noticeable almost immediately, too -- for example, the evidence says "My belongs." instead of "My belongings.")
  • The frames with speech bubbles (TAKE THAT!s and such) should be timed.
  • Automatically moving to Part 2 from Part 1 has Part 2 immediately end. The reason for this is because at the end of Part 1, when ending the game, under "Which frame?" you put in 0 instead of 1.
  • The explanation for why presenting the cell phone in Part 1 would make sense... doesn't really work for me. Isn't the call, in actuality, even more proof that wherever Apollo went, it WAS very much due to his own choice? Someone called him, and he decided to go. How would it have been against his will? Not to mention, nothing in what the player knows up until that point can logically lead them to believe the cell phone has what they need.
  • You should always try to have things written in such a way that they fit in 3 lines in the textbox. If they can't, try to split the line up into smaller sentences.
  • Why is there a black bar on the bottom in Grossberg's office? [Edit: I found out the reason -- it's because you hotlinked an image of Grossberg's office from the wikia. An image that isn't 256x192 and thus doesn't properly fit on screen.]
  • These two parts could've easily just been made into one, and beyond that, given how short they are.
While interesting in idea, it suffers from the mistakes most first-time trials do. Things move a bit too quickly, it's a bit unpolished presentation-wise, but the biggest issue really is the fact that a lot of things are written in an awkward way. And, again, I suspect that's likely due to the fact that English isn't your first language. So, definitely consider finding someone who can help you out with that before moving forward, I'd say.
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DetectiveWhite
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Re: [M]Apollo Justice: Forgotten Justice

Post by DetectiveWhite »

Everything you said is right and kind of, yeah, I was wrong in that thing of go against Apollo's own will, but this is also one of the smallest problems of all that you have said and I will try to improve this in the future and yes, English isn't my first language and I'll try to find someone to help me, but, been my first case, I think that could be worse.
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DetectiveWhite
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Re: [M]Apollo Justice: Forgotten Justice

Post by DetectiveWhite »

DWaM wrote:Anyway, I played through what's there.
Spoiler : Thoughts :
  • It's pretty short, not a whole lot to go on in terms of plot, but there's still quite a few things to comment on.
  • You shouldn't have hotlinked Apollo's phone image directly from the wikia, but downloaded and reuploaded it yourself on imgur or somesuch. Same with backgrounds from google images and such.
  • I really, really strongly suggest you get someone to proofread the case for you. I can tell English likely isn't your first language. And while I understood the general plot, the awkward phrasing in translation took me out of a lot of things. (The issue is noticeable almost immediately, too -- for example, the evidence says "My belongs." instead of "My belongings.")
  • The frames with speech bubbles (TAKE THAT!s and such) should be timed.
  • Automatically moving to Part 2 from Part 1 has Part 2 immediately end. The reason for this is because at the end of Part 1, when ending the game, under "Which frame?" you put in 0 instead of 1.
  • The explanation for why presenting the cell phone in Part 1 would make sense... doesn't really work for me. Isn't the call, in actuality, even more proof that wherever Apollo went, it WAS very much due to his own choice? Someone called him, and he decided to go. How would it have been against his will? Not to mention, nothing in what the player knows up until that point can logically lead them to believe the cell phone has what they need.
  • You should always try to have things written in such a way that they fit in 3 lines in the textbox. If they can't, try to split the line up into smaller sentences.
  • Why is there a black bar on the bottom in Grossberg's office? [Edit: I found out the reason -- it's because you hotlinked an image of Grossberg's office from the wikia. An image that isn't 256x192 and thus doesn't properly fit on screen.]
  • These two parts could've easily just been made into one, and beyond that, given how short they are.
While interesting in idea, it suffers from the mistakes most first-time trials do. Things move a bit too quickly, it's a bit unpolished presentation-wise, but the biggest issue really is the fact that a lot of things are written in an awkward way. And, again, I suspect that's likely due to the fact that English isn't your first language. So, definitely consider finding someone who can help you out with that before moving forward, I'd say.
I will continue and leave the cases as they are for now, but when I finish the first chapter I will make a remake with everything right and with all the practice I can get from that first version, besides your tips and thoughts.
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DetectiveWhite
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Re: [M]Apollo Justice: Forgotten Justice ●○○○○○○

Post by DetectiveWhite »

Hey guys, just want let here I start making the Remake of the first chapter of AJ: Forgotten Justice, will take time to finish and I'll try to add new things too, like investigation scenes and new sprites and everything new, so I ask for some patience because this will be good and I want to make everyone who played the first chapter by the three parts have a new experience with the remake.

So wait for the remake, because I'll make my best to be good!
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DetectiveWhite
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Re: [M]Apollo Justice: Forgotten Justice ●○○○○○○

Post by DetectiveWhite »

Hey guys, new update, just to make clear how is the remake, I already make the entire part 1, now it's the 2 and then will the part 3, so just be patient a little more, as soon as possible the remake will be released.
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DetectiveWhite
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Re: [M]Apollo Justice: Forgotten Justice [CANCELED]

Post by DetectiveWhite »

So, I think after so long I need to give an explanation of the delay, for starters, when I started making my cases I was very newbie and had no idea how many things worked, I made cases that only lasted 5 minutes and I thought it was amazing and was inspired to do more.
But it happened that I started to have an onset of depression, I was stopping taking care of myself, talking to my friends, I was just dropping everything because I felt horrible and discouraged, so I stopped responding to a lot of people, I left some servers from Discord and only when I recovered that I realized that I had lost time in my life.
So I decided to cancel all of my series and start all over again, a new fresh start, and I hope that people who still expected something from those series be happy with what is coming, because I learned so much during that time out.

I hope to see each other again.

--DetectiveWhite.
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