[T] Miles Edgeworth: Ace Attorney - Turnabout Nostalgia ●○

[BlueDragonCody]

Hello, members of the Ace Attorney Online forums,

I am here to show off another Ace Attorney case I made. This time, however, it's split into two parts. As of the time I'm writing this, it is not completely done yet. It will have a Trial Phase, but right now, only the Investigation Phase is "playable." The reason I put that in quotes is that this is not completely playable; it is just an animation at the moment, as I do not know how to make an Ace Attorney trial fully playable... YET.

Anyway, the case is called "Miles Edgeworth: Ace Attorney - Turnabout Nostalgia," and as the name implies, Miles Edgeworth will be the main protagonist of this case.

I am open to any and all criticisms; however, please keep any hatred to yourself. If you don't like this case, that's just fine. However, if you wish to discuss it, please do so in a CIVILIZED and NONVIOLENT manner. Any "troll" comments, such as "You suck!" or "F### you!" will be reported and deleted.

With that being said, here is the link to the first part of the case: http://aaonline.fr/player.php?trial_id=113751

Enjoy!

[Enthalpy]

What do you mean by the investigation being "just an animation" and "I do not know how to make an Ace Attorney trial fully playable"? I'm not sure what the status of this case is.

As for criticism, I'll just say as moderator that I haven't seen problems such as you describe here on AAO in years.

[BlueDragonCody]

You know how there are "events" in the AAO Trial Editor?

That's what I'm not able to do. I am only able to create animations within the Editor. I can't make it into a fully-fledged game with the knowledge I have.

That's what I mean when I say that it is not "fully playable": I don't have the knowledge to turn it into a game with "cross-examination" and "investigation" modes.

[PatBrownGame]

Are you not able to create cross examination/investigation scenes or something with the events? Or do you just not know how? Since this is kinda weird.

[BlueDragonCody]

I just don't know how to do so. However, I am getting help wherever I can.

[Jofe]

You can create an event clicking on the little purple rectangle between two frames at right. You have "cross examination" and "Investigation scene".

[BlueDragonCody]

I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I was looking for criticism on the actual progress in the case, not how I created it. I will be looking for tutorials after I'm done with the entire case.

Sorry if I sound like a jerk, I just wanted to clarify this.

[Enthalpy]

I'm still confused about what you want this game criticized as.

Normally when I see a case that only has one part released, it means that the parts that are released are close enough to its final state that any comments on improving the case are helpful. That doesn't seem to be the case here. I don't want to spend a lot of time suggesting ways to improve X when it turns out that you were going to improve X anyways at some later point when you make the case "completely playable."

I'm happy to talk about the actual progress, but I need to know what parts of this are "actual progress" and what parts you plan to fix later. For example, are there scenes you plan to add or rewrite? Should I assume that any dialogue comments will be helpful? Do you want feedback on the overarching plot? Are the graphics/music final, or do you plan to add things there...?

[BlueDragonCody]

Thanks for the questions. I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough before. Let me explain what the types of critique I need and the plot are:

Spoiler : Plot and what I need critique on :

For the plot: basically, it's sort of a head-canon for one of the characters, as well as a new plot and a new villain. This villain, known as "the Spectre," is similar to the Phantom from DD, except that they are not just a spy; they are an assassin.

As for the head-canon, remember in between PW and JFA when Manfred von Karma passed away for an unknown reason? Well, in this case, it is my head-canon that there was foul play involved in his death; after Edgeworth's trial for the DL-6 Incident, Manfred got killed by the Spectre, which was not mentioned in JFA.

Anyway, what I need critique on is the following points:

• 1. Pacing (In terms of plot)
  2. Originality of plot
  3. Whether the case is passable in terms of style of fan games
  4. Whether I did anything incorrectly when presenting this fan case

I hope this clears things up. If not, please let me know.

[Enthalpy]

Spoiler : :

It's impossible to know in advance what kind of feedback you "need". Maybe you made this case intending to practice some specfic things. But there are bigger issues you don't know about, and one of the purposes of feedback is to find them. So I'm going to talk about one very big issue.

To make the case dramatic, you have created a plot that simply isn't believable. There is an assassin with a grudge against the legal system and the ability to outwit the police for years. So far, I can believe this. Now, our assassin has already killed Manfred von Karma, had some designs on Troupe Gramarye, and is a known enemy of the Yatagarasu and thus has attempted to murder Kay Faraday.

I just cannot believe that plot.

The first problem is with the death of Manfred von Karma. The games imply that Manfred von Karma was executed due to Phoenix revealing him as the murderer in 1-4. See the following three excerpts from 2-2, 2-3, and 3-5, respectively.

[After Gumshoe has said von Karma will be the prosecutor]
Phoenix: ... Wait a sec. But didn't Von Karma stand trial and...

Maya:
Why do you keep giving Nick the evil eye!? It doesn't matter if you prove the defendant guilty tomorrow... Nothing will be able to bring your dad back!
von Karma:
... My... Dad? You must mean the esteemed Manfred von Karma.
Maya:
Of course! Your dad! I know you miss him...

Phoenix: (Her father was the legendary prosecutor, Manfred von Karma. He had a perfect win record for 40 long years... But now, he is gone from this world...) Don't tell me you still hold a grudge against me because of what happened to your father...

All of those lines imply that von Karma died as a result of Phoenix's actions and von Karma being convicted. Him actually being assassinated, this never coming up in the canon games, and neither Edgeworth nor Franziska having any knowledge of this is difficult for me to believe.

Next, Troupe Gramarye. They have no connection to the legal system at this time, least of all one that would make Zak so worried about this assassin that he impresses upon Trucy to be very afraid of this person.

Last, Kay Faraday. Of the three, this one makes the most sense but is still difficult to believe. The Yatagarasu was devised to bring down Quercus Alba's smuggling ring. They were a vigilante justice and not affiliated with the legal "system". Making this even stranger is that Kay would know about the Specter (she only learned about the Yatagarasu from her father's notebooks, and even then has a very fragmented knowledge of it) and that the Specter would go after Kay. Sure, Kay has been rather loudly proclaiming herself as the next Yatagarasu, but aside from being Edgeworth's girl sidekick, she hasn't done anything.

I think you're doing this to make a very dramatic case that effects a lot of characters we care about. Unfortunately, that isn't how writing works. Getting the reader emotionally invested is harder, and what you've actually done is to create a plot that the reader cannot believe. They will instead think this is just an attempt to make a dramatic case.

My suspicions are supported by the fact that although you introduce Phoenix and Trucy, you can eliminate them from the plot entirely by having Edgeworth learn about the assassination by some other way. I can think of three off the top of my head.

It's true that the pacing could use some improvement, but this problem needs to be fixed first. There is no way to pace a plot that the audience just isn't going to believe. Trying to make a case this "dramatic" just makes pacing harder and makes the writing harder. I would not recommend that for a fairly new author. I suggest you simplify the plot and reduce the drama. If you want to stay with this idea, simplify it to just being about an assassination attempt on Kay, but I think you should consider starting over with a new idea.