[T] The Young Turnabout

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Gold Guy 4
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2020 3:35 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English

[T] The Young Turnabout

Post by Gold Guy 4 »

Intro: http://aaonline.fr/player.php?trial_id=136481
Trial Former: [Incomplete]
Trial Latter: [Incomplete]

Story: You are a new, fresh out of law school, defense attorney. You have just started your own law office, but now what? News start to spread of some kid getting ready to be executed in 4 days. You soon go to the detention center in order to get a retrial on his case. However, the defendant is less than pleased to see you. Discover the truth of this incident and try to succeed a "Not Guilty" verdict instead of "Guilty" like the previous trial before it. Find out who the prosecutor is and overcome their tactics! The defendant is a ticking time bomb on that day, and you have to. save him before it's too late! This is, The Young Turnabout!

(Note: This is my first published trial, so any suggestions to make the sections a little bit better are welcome.)
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SuperAj3
Posts: 1309
Joined: Wed Sep 01, 2010 11:19 am
Spoken languages: English, 日本語(少しだけ)
Location: Legal Land

Re: [T] The Young Turnabout

Post by SuperAj3 »

I'm playing it now, here are my thoughts:
Spoiler : SoC :
OK a 5 year old was convicted? I think that's way too young to try someone, and using Wocky for a 12 year old seems off, but the aging up from Cody to Wocky works. Maybe make them go from like, 13 to 20 or something?

I think so far presentation is nice! You might need to add some timers to the gavel pound animation and guilty cut in, otherwise they loop.

There's a HUGE wall of text at one point that, if intentional, is a unique character gimmick, but if it isn't, might be better broken up into fast-paced text that's timed to automatically move to another box until it's over.

The dialogue moves a little quickly, and I was confused what to do in the detention center, I think pacing things a little slower to give more time to explain things might help I think also a little more explanation might be useful when talking to Henry. Maybe make William explain he's a different lawyer to the one that got him convicted?

Ooh Atmey is detective? and Klavier Edgeworth? and OH ATMEY GUMSHOE? Are this the children of ships?

OMG THEY ARE THE KIDS

OK I liked your "my six senses" joke, that was good.

I've noticed your title card text is red, rather than green.

Overall it's not bad! Needs a little more polish and pacing needs to be evened out, but best of luck making this case!
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Gold Guy 4
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Dec 03, 2020 3:35 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English

Re: [T] The Young Turnabout

Post by Gold Guy 4 »

I've listened to your suggestions and made some changes to the introduction.

-- Fixes

Ages: I made some adjustments to the ages of each main character. Like Henry (young) going from 5 to 8, with Henry going from 12 to 17. Minor adjustments were made to Charlie, William, Atmey, and Klavier. Also, the year ranges were also changed to reflect this.

New Talk for Henry: What would possibly happen if you try to prove Henry wrong without presenting evidence?

Errors: Some errors were fixed, like music not playing in the evidence room. Timers were also added, now :takethat: can move without a click.

Little bit more user friendly: Two more frames that kinda push the average player in the right direction when first speaking with Henry.

-- End


Info on Trial Former: I have already started to work on it, and about to start the trial. Gonna take a break for Christmas and it might have a release date of January.


(Any more suggestions will be appreciated)
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