Kwando beta-ing part 2
A tale, where I will have to find all the typos... T_T
Please don't be Zeta bad. >_>
Like, please. Please don't be Zeta bad.
I'll either love or hate this?
inb4notreallylockedroom
inb4noerikaphilo
inb4veradies
inb4beatrice
First line, already makes no sense. "He is not guilty wut?"
Also, dat Umineko bloodstain.
Of course it's murder.
Silly William, it's ALWAYS murder... (OR IS IT?)
"H-Hey, don't look at me like that. I have nothing to do with this, okay?" I feel an exclamation point would be stronger here than a period... >_>
"In fact, seeing how the locations of all guests were accounted for that's rather unlikely."
Should be "In fact, seeing how the locations of all guests were accounted for, that's rather unlikely."
"I'll, uh... I need a break. ...will lay down in my room." Missing a noun/capitalization here.
"I didn't see how this could logically be anything but a suicide."
Should be "I don't see how this could logically be anything but a suicide."
"...however, that didn't look like a weapon used for suicide."
Should be "...However, that doesn't look like a weapon used for suicide."
"It's not quite certain they used to actual crossbow. It's more likely only one bolt was used."
Should be "It's not quite certain they used the actual crossbow. It's more likely only one bolt was used."
Also, a bolt?
lol, of course we're being passed the buck
"If you examine them you should be able to find a way to explain how this was a murder."
Should be "If you examine them, you should be able to find a way to explain how this was a murder."
inb4liraisraven/vampire
Woah, a locked room? Fun.
"The victim was pierced in the heart with a metallic crowssbow bolt."
Should be a crossbow bolt.
And do you just mean an arrow? It'd be a lot simpler if you said that instead of a bolt.
"I have a weakness for my trophies, on some occassions I did stay here until late at night." Run on.
Should be "I have a weakness for my trophies. On some occassions, I did stay here until late at night."
"...That wouldn't turn the latches in either case. (Where did that even come from?)" HUEHUEHUE
"Even if they were moved, that would hardly have left any marks." Should be they instead of that.
"A smashed mirror? But there no no signs of a struggle elsewhere."
Should be "A smashed mirror? But there were no signs of a struggle elsewhere."
"I recommend not thinking too hard about it. It's probably just a distraction." Silly Lira, you're not Will~
"There is one large fish hanging over the one in the right section. There are also some photos of fish on the cabinets." Four liner.
"Everyone has their passions." Was thinking interests would fit better there...
"Seeing how the lights are not working either, I suspect electricity is turned off."
Should be "Seeing how the lights are not working either, I suspect the electricity is turned off."
All I see right now... Are bullets. BULLETS EVERYWHERE.
"That'd be because Superintended Hadley interrupted him."
Should be "That'd be because Superintendent Hadley interrupted him."
"(I've never heard of that one. This girls knows her subject I guess...)"
Should be "(I've never heard of that one. This girl knows her subject, I guess...)"
"Things like traps, autmatic locking devices, accidents that look like murder..."
should be "Things like traps, automatic locking devices, accidents that look like murder..."
"Those are the 3 classes. There is no other class, these cover all."
I think "Those are the 3 classes. There are no other classes as these cover all." works better.
Oh. I actually guessed it correctly that the room was locked with the master key? Oh.
BOO NO REPSONSE FOR SMALL BOMBS D:
"I'm sure i told you the fireplace showed no signs of recent use." Needs a capital "I".
"Ms. VeraNight... did you examine these windows?" Needs a space between Vera and Night.
"It cannot work! Dust is not easily reproduced convincingly" Missing a period.
"The device in question was small boms!" YES BUT YOU MISSPELLED BOMBS
"Yesterday I wouldn't have found it probable I'd get involved in a dinner like this!"
Should be "Yesterday, I wouldn't have found it probable I'd get involved in a dinner like this!"
"Mr. Doors and me will leave as well now. We'll naturally be available for police questioning."
Should be "Mr. Doors and I will leave as well now. We'll naturally be available for police questioning."
"Feel free to. As long as you don't leave the mansion there should be no problems."
Should be "Feel free to. As long as you don't leave the mansion, there should be no problems."
"Well, Mr. Vera Night? It's time to look for more clues."
Mr. Vera Night? OMG PLOT TWIST
dat 999 music
"It's thanks to this experts can swear certain picture were drawn by certain artists."
Should be pictures.
"Of course. Why else do people say things like women preferrign poison as a murder weapon?"
Should be "Of course. Why else do people say things like women prefer poison as a murder weapon?"
"Not quite. What the detective did in this book was successfully applied by Philo Vainheim." ZOMG PHILO NAME DROP
"Interesting suggestion. Are you saying I should put more effort into undertsnading people?"
Should be understanding.
inb4Veradies
Oh, another murder? And here I thought Vera would die. LAME
Than Leid? Not surprising, considering the police never showed up.
LOCKED ROOM TWO
"I guess it's better than pretty much fainting from merely gunshot." I'm... Not sure what you're trying to say here.
"Sounds good, old man. They're obviously insane, might want to just off us all." Comma splice.
A random blank frame with no wait timer here.
"What a shame. There goes our case-solving deus ex machina." BOOO I WANTED TO SEE PHILO D:
"What? Come on, I#m sure they can handle the word "reaper"." DAT RANDOM HASHTAG
"No, there was his purse containing his passport as well as an US Secret Service ID." Purse seems like a funny way to put it... Maybe a satchel?
"Well, that may be helpful. I#m still not sure what it's supposed to tell us though." Another hashtag.
"4 windows. 2 on the southern, 2 on the eastern wall." Two things. Numbers less than 20 should be written out (but that's a minor gripe). But it should also say "two on the southern wall".
"A round table. According to Mr. William Ost it's used for playing board games on occasion."
Should be "A round table. According to Mr. William Ost, it's used for playing board games on occasion."
"I'm a big fan of Risk. It's fun even if I'm just playing against myself." SERIOUSLY? PLAYING RISK AGAINST YOURSELF? O_o
"This is a Schmintendo console, isn't it?" lol Schmintendo. xP Let me guess, the Schmii console? xP
"There's even a game lying around here. Hm... "Super Maria Land"?" OH GOSH MARIA NO WHY
"Ugh... I should just have had you wait for the police after all." Awkward phrasing.
Should be: "Ugh... I should have just had you wait for the police after all."
"The billard table. An obligatory accessory for any high-class-looking place it seems."
Should be "The billard table. An obligatory accessory for any high-class-looking place, it seems."
"Of course I would be greatly relieved if it turned out to be one."
Should be "Of course, I would be greatly relieved if it turned out to be one."
Another missing wait timer frame.
WHA-WHAT? THAN LEID IS STILL ALIVE HOW?
Oh, and he's the murderer after all? Huh. And Zachary is a detective? Huh.
You're missing a closed paren for "Yeah... No comment" or whatever the line was.
YES UMINEKO MUSIC
"Hm, I feel no pain on my head. I coulödn't have been knocked out." DAT UMLAUT
And now we have more 999 music.
"There#s no sign of a struggle or the culprit panicking, and the crime shows no errors." Yet another #HASHTAG
"Many want offender to reflect on their deeds. It's unknown whether they can do that once dead."
Should be "Many want offenders to reflect on their deeds. It's unknown whether they can do that once they're dead."
"This type of killer is likely toactually come out and assist the police with their investigation."
Missing a space.
"You probably wouldn't remember. You were are small thing back then."
Should be "You probably wouldn't remember. You were a small thing back then."
"I remember being very generous to you, smuggling out a piece of evidence for you to keep as a memory." Four liner.
"By wanting to prove something you admit that certain truths are superior to others."
Should be "By wanting to prove something, you admit that certain truths are superior to others."
Oh man, bringing in Umineko ideas now too?
"I suppose the traumatic event factored in, and i threw you an emotional safety ring to cling to." Missing a capital I.
Oh man. Why are we talking about Oedipus?
"This ancient greek mith begins with a king having a child."
Should be "This ancient Greek myth begins with a king having a child."
"The seeks out an oracle, an entity with absolute knowledge of the future, for exactly that."
Should be "He seeks out an oracle, an entity with absolute knowledge of the future, for exactly that."
"Said oracles makes a prophecy saying the child would grow up to kill his father and marry his mother."
Should be "Said oracle makes a prophecy saying the child would grow up to kill his father and marry his mother."
"Naturally this would never have happened without knowledge of the truth itself."
Should be "Naturally, this would never have happened without knowledge of the truth itself."
(..."Not often"? I hope that was just poorly worded.) OMG OST IS A MURDERER
Eh? Ost knows about JP? Suspicious...
"Mr. Leid was very likely a member of this money counterfeiting business." lol wut
"(I've never heard about this. Did the JP corporation really di such things, too?)"
should be "(I've never heard about this. Did the JP corporation really do such things, too?)"
Huh. Reaper is a third member of JP?
"(I think you may be terribly misinformed.)" Indeed.
But... If Ost is a member of JP... That would make sense why Tiefenheim is a butler here...
"They were suspicions, Mr. Night. I couldn't just neglect a good friend over some suspicions." The magical adventures of gender-bending Night.
"Anyway, with his arrest this whole business should be taken care of fittingly."
Should be "Anyway, with his arrest, this whole business should be taken care of fittingly."
Now, let's get Lira's fate. The one fate I didn't get earlier.
Judgement. It often has something to do with making a decision to leave the past behind once and for all. Something she doesn't want to face, something in her past has to be made a decision about.
"(What an unexpected card. I'd have expected something like the Justice arcana.)" I think BP made a comment about this earlier, didn't he?
Also, making a decision eh? MAYBE SOMETHING TO DO WITH PHILO?
Let's get Leid's fate again.
THe Hanged Man. A sacrifice is made to gain wisdom. The Hanged Man allows himself to be hung for it.
So, probably not guilty after all?
Let's get Ost's fate now.
The Tower. A sign of omen. It symbolizes a crashing disillusion following a sudden realization.
Missing a wait timer here.
But, let's move on with talking.
"MOMMY, HELP. THEY'LL LEAVE ME ALL ALONE IN THIS EERY ROOM." lol THough, I normally spell EERIE, not EERY. THough, google tells me both are correct.
"Mr. Ost! YOU'RE SO CUTE WHEN YOU LOOK LIKE THAT." OSTxTHAN, VERAxLUNA, SO MUCH DANG SHIPPING
"(R-Right... Tiefenheim is still here, too." Missing a close paren.
"In the holy name of Dine, b-begone!" lol, not KNox?
More 999 music.
Am I satisfied? Who is the one talking to Vera like this though?
WHO DO I WANT TO GO TO? LUNA PLS
SHIPPING VERAxLUNA pls
"We have him tied up for now, but this means there were no two murders after all."
Should be: "We have him tied up for now, but this means there weren't two murders after all."
"...I see. No second murder occured... That's fortunate." OMG LUNA IS THE MURDERER
"...but you are guaranteed they regret what they did, does death count as a way to redeem for their sins?" Four liner.
Also, dat philosophical Luna.
"(That was out of nowhere... I can't believe I'm complaing, but what's with all this philosophy?)"
Should be "(That was out of nowhere... I can't believe I'm complaining, but what's with all this philosophy?)"
"I'm feeling strangely tired. Too tired for... elaborations. I need some rest." Wha-what? Luna... Tired to elaborate?
GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FAKE LUNA
Oh joy, more nightmares. :/
Missing a name-tag on the "W-What?"
Also, what? Joseph? EEEEEEEEH?
Oh. The missing name tag is on purpose?
"What kind of joke is this? I don#t give a damn about your 'perfect' mystery anymore." Random hashtag pls
Oh. It doesn't matter what I choose. Lovely.
BUT I STILL HAVE NO CLUE WHAT'S GOING ON
"Save here if you want to resume later with your variables still intact. They can change the ending." MULTI ENDINGS? FUUUUUUUUU
I totally screwed up. D: