[T][AU]Shattered Glass ○★○○○ (Case 0 Teaser available)

[AlephOzone]

Oh, ok then. I'd rather you substitute Payne with Grossberg and have Payne appear as a defense attorney, but that's just me being perfectionist. Pay no mind to this.

Also, I understand you, Grossberg is a very unmemorable character, while Payne appears in nearly every game. The one game Payne didn't appear, his brother was there to remind us of him.

Anyway, can't wait for the story to continue! This is really interesting, and I can't wait to see Phoenix as a prosecutor.

[Mr. Onizuka]

Played through the old version (sadly, I didn't notice there was an (old) appended to the title in the first place) (yeah, it was right there, just don't ask).

I played again on the v6 version, up until the first witness presentation. It seems that in terms of writing, there are not so many differences when compared to the old one (correct me if I'm wrong, I didn't even reach the first cross-examination in the v6 version).

Well, general comments:

- Nice and fun case. I had a little bit of problems in the final "present yo definitive evidence" part, but otherwise the game was well planned. A little bit easy in terms of difficulty, but the story seems promising.
- On the same note: you did a pretty good job engaging people into this AU. You threw a little clue here and there regarding what the canon characters do in this universe, but didn't overdo it. In terms of narrative, that's pretty well done.
- Also, using an already existing case, but turning it around was a nice touch hahaha. Don't know why, but I found it pretty interesting. HOWEVER, I hope this is not done exactly in the same way for the future cases, for it would feel kind of unnatural... and, IMO it would lose that "freshness" the premise this first case has.

Some side notes:
- As I stated, didn't reach until v6 first cross-examination. However, during the v5 version, one thing that bugged me is the lack of pauses between "sections" (for example, in canon games we get the witness Testimony popup, then the testimony, then a frame with no text for about a second or less, that slowly fades away, and then we get the opinions of the characters on said testimony. Between those scenes, on those fades, we spend about 3~3.5 seconds, of which 1.5~2 are a black screen and the rest are used in fades. That time in fades could be used in frames with no dialogue, in order to "slow the pace")
- Sometimes, music would play for about 4 frames, and then stop playing all of a sudden. It's not a big issue, but it left me kind of shocked (like "omfg epic ZERO MUSIC!! I'm gonna kick ass- uh? What... just... not now? jeez..." <-- that resumes my impression during those times).

Overall, it is a simple, yet very enjoyable case. It's strenght is in the writing of the characters and the promise of a great story (with it's future sequels). Take into considerations the issues I pointed, and I think it would be better. Of course, ignore them if you already corrected them (sorry for not playing it in v6!). Have a good one!

[TheDoctor]

Early on, there aren't that many difference between the old version and the updated version. However, later on in the case, there are several revamps that were made. Contradiction design was made a little bit more fair for the final CE, dialogue was expanded in several areas, and the fades between testimony statements were more or less implemented (not entirely, more of a cut to black was used as fades were a little tricky to pull off).

I believe I also fixed the problem with the "epic ZERO MUSIC!!" only playing for four frames. Don't recall for sure though.

I do plan on making more changes eventually, but right now, I'm okay with the case where it's at. I'd like to make improvements, but they aren't a huge priority.

[Mr. Onizuka]

I see! Then I'll play it again on another day, and revise my review.

[TheDoctor]

Remember those improvements I said I wanted to make? I finally got around to them. First post has been updated accordingly.

Spoiler : :

One minor detail I changed was the reference to Ema's sister's trial being seven years ago. I just realized that would place Edgeworth at the age of 17 when he left for law school. While I can see him completing his senior year early, something about him taking seven years to complete his law degree rubs me the wrong way, so I changed Lana's trial to take place six years ago instead (I looked up the average time it takes for law degrees to be completed, and six years falls within that range, so we're good now).

[Bad Player]

☆ This case is pending a QA inspection to be featured.

[Bad Player]

Spoiler : :

The cut from the lobby scene to Edgey’s self-intro seems a bit abrupt. Adding a fade-out/small pause might help a bit.

Hmm… You don’t have parentheses around the text in that self-intro. I mean, I suppose that’s acceptable since it’s clear that it’s thoughts and everything, but… iunno.

How did Edgey know how she was killed without the autopsy report?! IS HE THE KILLER?!?!

It’s not a big deal, but you could consider editing an attorney’s badge onto von Karma’s sprites.

Yeah… Instantly cutting from one music track to another tends to be kinda abrupt. (It’s unfortunate we can’t fade-out songs…) I think it’s best to have at least one frame of silence between tracks—for instance, right after Payne’s explanation.

“The prosecution calls the defendant, Mr. Frank Sawhit, to the stand.” In this line, you have a linebreak between “Sahwit” and “to” and… it looked kinda weird on my comp. (But I had random issues with lining in the last case I played that apparently only applied to me, so *shrug*)

Courtroom pans are kinda weird… but I’m assuming that’s a v6 thing.

For the black-screens at the end of each press, it should fade-out and fade-in each time, rather than being a direct cut to/from black.

These press convos are kinda short. It’s not really a problem, but… you can feel it.

The knife can be “added” to the CR multiple times.

Some music during the first contradiction would be nice—it’s oddly silent for quite a while. (Actually, it seems like there was some problem on my end, so if there actually IS music here just ignore this comment.)

In Cindy’s profile, you can just say “deceased” instead of “now deceased”

For Larry’s first testimony, I’d also accept the contradiction on the statement where he says he saw Sahwit bash Cindy over the head.

“Explain how he found the time to wipe his fingerprints from the murder weapon!” In the middle of this frame, Edgey reverts from his zoom-in to his regular sprite for a moment.
When you had the judge bang his gavel thrice, it looked like you used the single-bang image.

I don’t really like using a – in a testimony name… You can probably just replace it with a comma.

…Dat toupee.

When presenting Ema, there’s no “TAKE THAT!”. Also, considering how the answer is… incredibly obvious, you might want to allow the player to choose whether they want to present evidence or call a witness. (And if they present the knife, you can go “Yes, it’s interesting, but the police never found it in their investigation. As far as we can tell, it doesn’t exist—there’s nothing we can do about it now.”)

Is it just me… or did that recess only last 7 minutes, according to the timestamps?

I don’t think “luminol” needs to be capitalized.

Nice alternate present thingy on Ema’s testimony.

“Von” should still be capitalized when it’s the first word in the sentence (when thinking about the Sherlock Holmes quote)

I was hoping there would be some sort of reference to T-bone steaks xD (The T is supposed to be capitalized, by the way.)

It’d be nice if you could somehow have some player input/interaction for the final logic segment…

(Actually, the transition from the sad music back to the victory music in the lobby scene worked well without any break.)


Well... ok.

Presentation/Bugs: This was good for the most part. Make sure evidence can only be added to the CR once. There was also a lot of straight cuts to/from black--they should be fades.

Writing/Characterization: The characters were all good. Everyone acted basically as they would in this AU, like Manfred actually being good... Edgey was a bit cheeky, but that was just in his thoughts. Sahwit might've gotten angry a bit too easily, but there also wasn't that much else of a chance for him to show his character. You laid down plenty of groundwork and set-up to further explore the AU in later cases, so that's good.

Proofreading/Clarification: This was all fine.

Sprites/Graphics: Best. Toupee. Toss. Ever.

Music/SFX: There were some moments where it was oddly silent... but I think that was my computer screwing up. I know that funky things can happen in terms of AAO and music, so as long as that really was just my comp being screwy.

And... huh. There's no category for this stuff. Well, here we go. This case... is easy. Like, really really really easy. Of course, that isn't a bad thing. It's an intro case for a series and it's interesting enough--it just doesn't have the same impact as a more complicated standalone case. Because of that, though, you shouldn't be afraid of complexity/difficulty where you can put it. Edgey's final deduction thing with Larry's hands was the most interesting part of the case imo, and yet there's nothing the player does except sit back and watch--I'd really love it if you could figure out some way to insert gameplay into that segment.

Two other things that I think could use some more clarification/detail: First, I'm not sure you ever really explained why Larry left the murder scene with the door open, and then came back 10 minutes later... Sticking an explanation for that the end would be nice. Also, I'd like it if you explained the whole new police procedure of only investigating the immediate crime scene both earlier and more explicitly. It's clear by the end, but it'd be better with more clarity.

The case is put together well and well-written, and the weak point is clearly the simplicity of the story/crime. It's okay this time because it's a tutorial case, but in future entries you'll need more depth. (Although I suspect you already know that.) For now, however...

Spoiler : :

★ The case is good enough to be featured. Please make the requested changes.

[TheDoctor]

Responses in red.

Spoiler : :

The cut from the lobby scene to Edgey’s self-intro seems a bit abrupt. Adding a fade-out/small pause might help a bit.

Will do.

Hmm… You don’t have parentheses around the text in that self-intro. I mean, I suppose that’s acceptable since it’s clear that it’s thoughts and everything, but… iunno.

I left those off because there were no parentheses in the first AA self-intro.

How did Edgey know how she was killed without the autopsy report?! IS HE THE KILLER?!?!

What is this? Egads! How did I miss that?

It’s not a big deal, but you could consider editing an attorney’s badge onto von Karma’s sprites.

Von Karma hates wearing that thing. The only time you'll ever see him wear it is when he's at the bench (i.e. When he's the player character). Any other time, he keeps it in his pocket.

Yeah… Instantly cutting from one music track to another tends to be kinda abrupt. (It’s unfortunate we can’t fade-out songs…) I think it’s best to have at least one frame of silence between tracks—for instance, right after Payne’s explanation.

I'll get right on that.

“The prosecution calls the defendant, Mr. Frank Sawhit, to the stand.” In this line, you have a linebreak between “Sahwit” and “to” and… it looked kinda weird on my comp. (But I had random issues with lining in the last case I played that apparently only applied to me, so *shrug*)

I'll look into it, just in case.

Courtroom pans are kinda weird… but I’m assuming that’s a v6 thing.

For the black-screens at the end of each press, it should fade-out and fade-in each time, rather than being a direct cut to/from black.

I considered adding those, but given how firefox and chrome keep looping .gifs and APNGs in the background, I decided on a straight cut to black, rather than have off timing for a fade. I'll have to see if someone has a fade .svg I can borrow or something.

These press convos are kinda short. It’s not really a problem, but… you can feel it.

The knife can be “added” to the CR multiple times.

Whoops, I'll take care of that asap.

Some music during the first contradiction would be nice—it’s oddly silent for quite a while. (Actually, it seems like there was some problem on my end, so if there actually IS music here just ignore this comment.)

That's an issue on your end. The music is supposed to start when you get the defense zoom-in.

In Cindy’s profile, you can just say “deceased” instead of “now deceased”

Very well.

For Larry’s first testimony, I’d also accept the contradiction on the statement where he says he saw Sahwit bash Cindy over the head.

Except, at that point in the testimony, there is no contradiction. The contradiction comes when Butz says he "quickly made him drop the weapon." Before then, it's more of a logic thing, like "why the heck did you just stand there and let him wipe down the weapon before you did anything?" Questionable behavior, but I'm not sure you can call it a contradiction.

“Explain how he found the time to wipe his fingerprints from the murder weapon!” In the middle of this frame, Edgey reverts from his zoom-in to his regular sprite for a moment.

That shouldn't happen. I'm assuming it's a glitch, but I'll look into it.

When you had the judge bang his gavel thrice, it looked like you used the single-bang image.

Huh, that's weird. If that's the case, I'll take care of it.

I don’t really like using a – in a testimony name… You can probably just replace it with a comma.

Okay, I'll fix it.

…Dat toupee.

When presenting Ema, there’s no “TAKE THAT!”. Also, considering how the answer is… incredibly obvious, you might want to allow the player to choose whether they want to present evidence or call a witness. (And if they present the knife, you can go “Yes, it’s interesting, but the police never found it in their investigation. As far as we can tell, it doesn’t exist—there’s nothing we can do about it now.”)

Good point, I'll work that in there.

Is it just me… or did that recess only last 7 minutes, according to the timestamps?

I don't know. I didn't mean for that, but I'll double check.

I don’t think “luminol” needs to be capitalized.

Looked up the AJ and Rise From the Ashes scripts. The AJ capitalization is inconsistent, but the RFtA capitalization shows it usually isn't capitalized. I'll fix it.

Nice alternate present thingy on Ema’s testimony.

“Von” should still be capitalized when it’s the first word in the sentence (when thinking about the Sherlock Holmes quote)

I was hoping there would be some sort of reference to T-bone steaks xD (The T is supposed to be capitalized, by the way.)

Alright, I'll fix both of those.

It’d be nice if you could somehow have some player input/interaction for the final logic segment…

I think I can add something in there. Unfortunately, I can't think of a way for the player to discover the wound, but I should be able to have the player figure out why the wound's location is a problem. Hopefully, it'll add some much needed difficulty to that final stretch.

(Actually, the transition from the sad music back to the victory music in the lobby scene worked well without any break.)


Well... ok.

Presentation/Bugs: This was good for the most part. Make sure evidence can only be added to the CR once. There was also a lot of straight cuts to/from black--they should be fades.

Writing/Characterization: The characters were all good. Everyone acted basically as they would in this AU, like Manfred actually being good... Edgey was a bit cheeky, but that was just in his thoughts. Sahwit might've gotten angry a bit too easily, but there also wasn't that much else of a chance for him to show his character. You laid down plenty of groundwork and set-up to further explore the AU in later cases, so that's good.

Proofreading/Clarification: This was all fine.

Sprites/Graphics: Best. Toupee. Toss. Ever.

Music/SFX: There were some moments where it was oddly silent... but I think that was my computer screwing up. I know that funky things can happen in terms of AAO and music, so as long as that really was just my comp being screwy.

And... huh. There's no category for this stuff. Well, here we go. This case... is easy. Like, really really really easy. Of course, that isn't a bad thing. It's an intro case for a series and it's interesting enough--it just doesn't have the same impact as a more complicated standalone case. Because of that, though, you shouldn't be afraid of complexity/difficulty where you can put it. Edgey's final deduction thing with Larry's hands was the most interesting part of the case imo, and yet there's nothing the player does except sit back and watch--I'd really love it if you could figure out some way to insert gameplay into that segment.

Two other things that I think could use some more clarification/detail: First, I'm not sure you ever really explained why Larry left the murder scene with the door open, and then came back 10 minutes later... Sticking an explanation for that the end would be nice. Also, I'd like it if you explained the whole new police procedure of only investigating the immediate crime scene both earlier and more explicitly. It's clear by the end, but it'd be better with more clarity.

That's actually a good question. I think my original thought was that he was hiding somewhere, waiting for some poor sap to find the body so he could pin the blame on them. However, now that I think of it, I think the reason he came back was because he forgot about the knife having his blood on it. His leaving the door open was just Larry being Larry.

As for how easy the case is, I originally had a much more difficult final contradiction, problem was it was just a little too difficult because there weren't any direct clues, only indirect clues that players may well have forgotten by then. I changed it to make it to make it more fair, but it ended up making it much easier too. I know I'll have to work on that for future cases, which is part of the reason I haven't gotten anywhere with the sequel (that, and I'm still waiting on some sprites to be finished), but I should be able to get better with that.

Thank you for taking the time to review, and I'll get right on those requested changes.

[TheDoctor]

All requested changes have been made except for fades, as I'm waiting on Ferdie's svg tutorial to be finished.

[Bad Player]

Can't you use the fades Ferdie made+uploaded himself? (I'm pretty sure he's fine with people just taking and using them...)

[Enthalpy]

He is. Note that we've changed from the net16 fades to the ferdielance fades http://www.ferdielance.com/fadein1000.svg and http://www.ferdielance.com/fadeout1000.svg

[TheDoctor]

Upon further inspection, it seems Chrome handles the svg loading differently from Firefox. In Firefox, the fades reload each time a frame calls for them. In Chrome, the fade load only once, meaning one either gets a black screen too early, or the black screen goes away too quickly. Ugh.

As much as I hate to do it, I'm going to have to force people to play this in Firefox.

EDIT: svg fades are now fully implemented.

[TheDoctor]

Legal double post: all requested changes, including fades, have been implemented.

[Locke]

Just something I personally noticed that bugged me, alot of the press dialog is simply "okay, nevermind, moving on" type which I seem to recall only being used once per case in the main series, and even then the character could rant for some time. I think the only big offender with this was when miles asks Ema how they examined the wound, she gives a short concise answer, and they move on, considering emas personality (which seems to not have changed much) I 'd have expected her to go into the specific scientific details before edgeworth decides to cut her off before she puts the whole courtroom to sleep or makes them sick.
One other thing is that, even though I use firefox, the fades and the ringtone for the phone are really glitchy. Not something that really ruined my experiance, but others might get the same issue at somepoint.

[TheDoctor]

Just tested it, it seems like the fades are working fine. As for the ringtone, you need to make sure all the sounds are loaded before playing, otherwise you may get glitches. Perhaps updating to the latest version of Firefox might help with the fades. But I'm certain I have them everywhere they need to be.

As for Ema's testimony, she does have an appointment she wants to keep. Perhaps there's a reason she's not delving into too much detail?