I'm afraid I can't help you - the old adage "too many cooks spoil the broth" is valid for composing as well. As the track is flawed from the get-go (see my comments about the F#dim chord in the last post), I can't really fix it with minor adjustments, and if I rewrote it completely, that'd be my track, not yours.
I suggest you study diatonic scales and don't really use other notes until you're sure of what you're doing. For example, only use the notes A, B, C, D, E, F, G and G# if you're composing in A minor. Of course, you aren't *bound* to these notes, but using too many other notes lead to your melodies becoming hard to memorize and/or dissonant.
You should also study Pursuit themes and examine how they're built up.
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