Paper Mario: Flat-out Chaos

[~Count Olaf~]

A fan fiction I wrote a looong time ago. But it had some great reviews.

Introduction: The Mysterious King Chess

Mario and Luigi sat at their dining table.

"Hey bro?" Luigi asked, "What do you think will happen now?" Mario thought about that for a moment.

"I mean, we beat Bowser, the Shadow Queen, and Dimentio," Luigi said, "What do we do now?" Mario went into the cellar and emerged with a wooden box. Mario turned the box and revealed the label. Luigi looked at the label.

"That's it?" Luigi questioned, dumbfounded, "Play chess?" Mario nodded.

"Um… I think I need to be at a fan club or something," Luigi lied, "Bye." Mario shrugged and put the chess set away. As he went into the cellar he heard a rumbling noise. He looked down and saw the box was shaking in his hands. He cautiously opened the box. The pieces emerged, spun around, and transformed into a smoky apparition. As the moments passed it became, solid, figure.

"Hello Mario," cackled the figure, "Good evening." The figure turned around to reveal a man wearing a crown and a cape. The cape was embellished with a hailstorm of chess pieces.

"I must thank you for releasing me from that box," the figure smiled, "I an King Chess." Mario readied his hammer for battle, but was pushed aside by King Chess.

"Not so hasty," King Chess warned Mario, "I'm an ally. All I want from you is a favor. Do you accept, no matter what it is?" Mario shook his head.

"No?" a shocked King Chess asked, "I warn you. If you don't, there could be dire consequences. Yes or no?" Mario pondered for a moment…then he nodded.

"Very good!" King Chess approved, "The favor is…um…um…eh… … … …" Mario fell asleep and a good hour later…

"Yes!" King Chess exclaimed, waking Mario up, "That's what it was! I need you to take me down to Chess Castle. It is east of Toad Town." Mario nodded.

"Then with that, we're off!" King Chess said with glee. So Mario ran down, past Toad Town, to Castle Chess. When he arrived he saw great white flags, hanging from the central tower.

Climb that tower, King Chess said through telepathy. Mario scaled the tower and stepped into the throne room. Upon the throne sat Lord Bishop.

"Who dares to disturb me?" Lord Bishop asked. King Chess stepped up and knocked Lord Bishop to the ground.

"Checkmate, my friend," King Chess laughed as he sat upon the throne, "Thanks to Mario here, I now have control over my kingdom again."

"You're kingdom?!" Lord Bishop scoffed, "You sour minded fool! It is rightfully mine!"

"Was, old friend," King Chess corrected, "Now it is mine. Now away with you!" The king snapped his fingers, warping Mario and Lord Bishop back to Toad Town.

"Why did you help that hooligan?!" Lord Bishop shouted at Mario, "Do you know what this means?" Mario shrugged. Lord Bishop tapped the screen of the computer.

"You in front of the computer! Listen, you might learn something," Lord Bishop said to you, "Castle Chess is not a lousy castle. It is the source of all fun and joy. With King Chess in charge, he could destroy the joy in your world and mine ye lazy reader!" Lord Bishop turned his head to Mario, "I need you to collect the Relics of the Playroom to stop this threat and regain my rule! Did you get all that?" Mario nodded.

Lord Bishop walked into an inn and before shutting the door said, "I'll wait here. Good luck!" Mario shrugged, and trotted into the lengthy quest set before him. Mario wondered what was up with the name "Relics of the Playroom". I mean how lame is that title? I will slay all with the Relics of the Playroom. Whatever…

Chapter 1: Trundle in the Tunnel



Mario plodded one. He went into Merlon's house. Mario have him 5 coins and Merlon told Mario his fortune.

"You will take a pipe into 'Shroom-Cave," Merlon announced, "There you will find the 'Shroom-Noggins. They will aid you…I think…" Mario thanked the elder and looked for the pipe. His search led him the Princess Peach's castle. He stepped into the throne room and saw Peach in the throne.

"Mario?" Peach asked, "What are you doing here?" Peach got up from her throne.

"The what?! You want the Relics of the Playroom? Are you pulling my leg, Mario?" Princess Peach laughed. But she ceased to giggle when Mario shook his head.

"Oh. Um… What's that, how to get to 'Shroom-Cave?" Peach thought for a moment, "I think the pipe was near the Toad House. Yes, undoubtedly. Would you mind if I tag along? I'm getting tired of this dusty old castle." Mario shrugged and nodded. Peach leaped for joy.

"Thank you Mario!" Peach picked up her parasol and followed Mario to the Toad House. They circled the house for the better part of 7 minutes. They soon got tired and went into the house. Mario held up two fingers, Peach and Mario got two beds. Mario was about to lie down when he saw the strange green pedestal his bed sat upon. He pushed the bed a little bit, the pedestal was really the pipe to 'Shroom-Cave! Mario held his hammer above his head, ready to smash the bed.

"No, don't!" the toad manager cried. But his efforts were in vain as Mario reduced the bed to splinters. Peach and Mario hopped into the pipe and were promptly sucked into the tunnels beneath Toad Town.

"Here we are," Peach said as she eyed the dank caves, "'Shroom-Cave." Mario walked down deeper into the tunnel. He found a glass door before him.

"Should we go in?" Peach wondered aloud. Mario nodded.

"Okay then," Princess Peach shrugged, "What ever you say." Mario pushed the door open and found a large cave, comprised of huts, shops, and shrines of a kind he had never seen before. A little creature with a mushroom shaped head ran to Mario.

"Mario!" the being cried, "I'm Toadgin, a 'Shroom-Noggin. We need your help. Our chief is feeling weird in the noggin." Mario followed Toadgin to the chief's hut.

"In here!" Toadgin directed Mario. Mario and Princess Peach plodded in to see what was up, or rather (being in a cave) going down. The village chief, Yoshgin, was wheezing and coughing. Mario noticed Yoshgin's hand was resting on a small figurine. He looked closer to see…

"The relic!" Peach exclaimed, "It's covered in green guck!"

Toadgin spoke up.

"Ya' see," Toadgin explained, "When Chief Yoshgin went into the mines he found this statue. Then when he got back, POW! He was sick." As the guck crawled up Yoshgin's hand, Mario knew time was short.

"I have an idea," Peach said, "If we help your elder you give us the statue, deal?" The 'Shroom-Noggins huddled. Then Toadgin stepped out.

"Deal," Toadgin agreed, "To help our chief you need to find something that can counter filth… You should be able to find something like that in the mines." Toadgin gave Mario the key to the mines and the hero and the princess started their search. As they opened the door to the mines and walked in they found many 'Shroom-Noggins. They were mining and singing a odd little song. The song goes as follows:



Trundle in the Tunnel



Oh we go through the tunnel,

Yeah, we trundle through the tunnel

As we search for a bundle of stuff to sell

Oh, drips do drop,

And we hear 'em go plop

As we take our stuff to the shop to sell

"Drip drip drop" is the sound of the drops

(okay and sometimes plops)

That's what we hear when we go through the tunnel,

Yeah, we trundle in the tunnel

As we search for a bundle of stuff to sell



As Peach and Mario went through the tunnel the tune had grown on Peach. They walked on and saw a treasure chest with a 'Shroom-Noggin sitting on it. But this was no ordinary 'Shroom-Noggin. No, he was covered in the green guck. And right before their very eyes he transformed into a deadly vine monster. The 'Sroom-Noggin's arms became thorny vines, his legs roots, and his mouth like that of a Venus flytrap. The beast put the chest in that big maw of his and swallowed it. Then the plant monster sent a storm of thorns at our heroes and… Okay. This is pretty scary, so I suggest that you turn of your monitor now. Really, men older than you have had nightmares for a week because of this scene. Go ahead and hit the button. No? Fine. But if you start screaming don't blame me. Here I go…this is your last chance. So anyways, the thorns hacked at Mario and Peach. Mario withstood the pain and drew his mighty mallet. He took a swing and launched the monster into a wall. Thus infuriating the beast. He germinated 3 seeds into the soil. They grew into miniature versions of the original monster, each one as vicious as the first.

"There is nothing left to do!" Peach cried, "We must run!" When all hope was lost something unexpected happened. There was a tug at the plant creatures roots. His roots as well as his entire body, was yanked into the dirt. After a few moments he suffocated in the black "sea." Where the plant monster once stood, a Monty Mole shot out. The Monty Mole shook a fuzzy hand.

"Hey there," the mole said, smiling, "I'm Mickey Mole. Nice to meet you."

"Aw…" Princess Peach giggled, "He's adorable." Princess Peach gave Mickey a hug.

"You…were in pretty…good trouble back there," Mickey said, trying to loosen Peach's squeeze, "Mind if I come along?" Princess Peach let go of Mickey.

"Of course. Mario?" Peach questioned, "That's okay with you, right?" Mario gave Peach that "Oh, why not?" look. Peach grinned.

"Thank you."

"So, uh…" Mickey shrugged, "What are we here for?"

"We need to collect the 8 Relics of the Playroom."

"The what?"

"It's a long story. I'll explain it on the way." The threesome headed for the chest. Mario and Peach both hoped it was the thing to help Yoshgin. Mario turned the key and opened the chest. Do you know what was in it? Peach will tell you.

"A feather duster?" a shocked Princess Peach wondered, "What good is a feather duster? Well, I guess it DOES counter filth…" Mario, Peach, and Mickey headed for Yoshgin's hut. They were relieved to see that the chief was not mutated. Peach pulled out the feather duster.

"What is that thing for?" Toadgin scoffed.

"To clean Yoshgin," Peach shot back. The princess started to dust the elder clean. But it was too late when she realized the duster was only spreading the guck…onto the floor. Yes, the chief was clean but the guck on the floor morphed. It grew and grew, then it became one of the plant beasts only much, MUCH, bigger.

"Ha!" the guck cackled, "I am now King Guckly, lord of the Floro-Noggins!" Mickey Mole attempted his previous attack. But King Guckly proved not only that he was the strongest Floro-Noggin, but the smartest too. King Buckley slew a thorn-ridden arm, and successfully knocking out Mario.

"How dare you do that?" Peach shouted as she jumped on Guckly, "No one hurts my Mario!" While King Guckly was down, Peach helped Mario up.

"Are you alright?" Peach asked. Mario nodded and stepped back into the scene. Mario swung his hammer at Guckly. The king was now severely injured.

"Wait!" King Guckly said before Mario delivered the final blow, "I give up. You win." Mario shook his head.

"Whuh?" King Guckly restated his plee, "If you let me go I'll give you 300,000,000 coins." Mario shook his head again.

"Come on," King Guckly chuckled nervously, "What if I gave you a new hammer?" Mario still declined.

"But…but I'm being honest!" King Guckly frowned, "Are you sure?" Once again Mario answered negatively, this time with that big hammer of his. Guckly shouted in pain as he withered into dust.

"Those were such good offers," King Guckly sighed with his final breath.

"Thank you, Mario," Chief Yoshgin said with appreciation, "You've saved me from King Buckley. How can I further express my thanks?"

"Um, chief?" Toadgin spoke up, "We promised him the relic."

"What?" Chief Yoshgin inquired, "You promised him that? Well… I guess I owe him… But are you sure he won't take my crown?" Toadgin nodded. Chief Yoshgin sighed and placed the 1st Relic of the Playroom into Mario's firm grip. Mario held it above his head triumphantly. Mario found the first of the 8 relics, a triumph not to be underestimated. But still, Mario did not grow too prideful. He, Peach, and their new friend headed back to the surface.

Chapter 2: Don’t Anger Mr. T.



Mario, Peach, and Mickey emerged from the pipe, very pleased with themselves. Well, until this happened.

“You meanies!” the owner of the Toad House, Mr. T., shouted, “You broke my bed! Do you have any idea of how much that cost?” Mario thought for a moment.

“30 coins?” Mr. T. asked, “Try 30,000.” Mario almost fell over.

“Now you know that you need to PAY me that much back,” Mr. T. laughed, “I pity the plumber! What? How are you going to get that money? That’s not my problem. But DON’T try talking to Merlon about it. Nope, he wouldn’t help you…much…” Mario immediately left for Merlon’s house. Mario tossed 5 coins on the table and Merlon responded as usual.

“I see a vacant house, an abandoned shop actually,” Merlon predicted, “You enter and find a family of boos. They will pay you handsomely if you find their son, Booson. Then the way is clear.” Mario remembered that and looked for the abandoned shop. Mario located it and held his breath as he pushed open the door. But it was empty. He stepped in further to find a boo in a portrait. He touched the photo and heard a scream:

“VISITORS!!!” Mario stepped away from the portrait and the family of boos appeared.

“Hello there,” one boo said, “I’m Mother Boo. Why are you here?” Mario explained to the ghost.

“You’ll help us find our son? Sorry, but we already had a detective take the case for 30,000 coins.” Mario thought for a moment, and then Peach spoke up.

“Who is this detective?” Peach asked.

“He calls himself ‘White Knight.’ Isn’t that ridiculous?” Mother Boo replied.

“White Kinght, huh?” Peach wondered aloud, “Maybe a minion of King Chess??”

“He was rather rude too.” Mother Boo and Mario made a deal that whoever found Booson first would get the coins. And in a flash, Mario and the gang were off. It was only moments later when Mario found White Knight.

“’Ello chaps,” White Knight said, “Are you looking for dear ol’ Booson?” Mario nodded.

“Well, not to worry. I’ve got the case.”

“We’ll just see…” a competitive Mickey said. Then the hunt was on. Our heroes searched desperately for the missing boo child. Mario found a little boo in the sewers. He was cowering in the corner.

“B-b-b-b-b-blooper!” Booson shouted. And sure enough, a blooper was lurking behind Mario, Peach, and Mickey. Mario hopped on the blooper’s head. The blooper fell to the ground.

“Bla bloop!” the blooper cried. The blooper hopped back up, ready to attack. The blooper leaped into the air and smashed Mario flat. But the blooper was distracted by Mario, distracted enough for Peach to deliver the final attack. The blooper died and Booson was safe.

“Thank you, thank you!” Booson cried happily, “Take me to my mommy!” Mario took the boo out of the sewers, back to Toad Town’s surface level. They went back to the vacant shop, where inside waited a worried Mother Boo. Mario opened the door and Booson ran to his mother.

“Mommy!” he exclaimed.

“Booson!” Mother Boo smiled and hugged her son, “Thank you, Mario!”

“Mommy?”

“Yes, Booson?”

“Can I go with Mario?”

“No, of course not!”

“But…but I’m a big boo.”

“No buts.”

“Mommy! I want to go with Mario, please?”

“Well…” Mother Boo cleared her throat, “Um… Well… I…I guess so.”

“Yea!”

“But promise me you’ll be careful.”

“I will, mommy.”

“Will you always brush your teeth?”

“Yes, mommy.”

“Will you wash behind your ears?”

“Yes… Wait, we don’t have ears.”

“Good point. Go ahead then. Mario? Here is your reward…I guess…” Mother Boo gave Mario a bagful of coins, exactly 30,000, “Spend it wisely.” Mario nodded and left the not-so-vacant shop. Outside, he found White Knight stomping his foot. Clearly he was ticked off at Mario.

“What did you do in there?” White Knight asked.

“We were helping this boo,” Peach snapped.

“Sorry chap. The boo is mine.” White Knight grabbed Booson and ran off.

“Waaaaa!” Booson sobbed.

“Shut up!” Mario and his team followed White Knight into a cave. Luckily, White Knight thought he had lost his pursuers and entered a large chamber. Mario obviously followed. He saw Booson, hanging over a pit of lava.

“Come on, chap,” White Knight frowned, “Cough up the relic.” All that Booson replied with was shock and confusion.

“I saw you go down into the sewers with that statue of yours…”

“It’s an action figure!” Booson shouted. White Knight scoffed.

“You interrupted me, little boy. Anyways, that’s why I sent that blooper on you. But he was a failure. Now give me the relic so I may destroy it.”

“IT’S AN ACTION FIGURE!!!” Booson screamed. Mario and the gang seized that moment to sneak attack White Knight. Peach slew her parasol at White Knight.

“Take that you scoundrel!” Peach said. Mario followed Peach’s blow with a swing of his hammer. White Knight got up and swung a fist at Mario.

“This fight is meaningless!” White Knight cackled, “King Chess gave me the technology to make this switch.” White Knight showed Mario and the gang the switch.

“When I push this big, juicy, red button, Booson will be no more!” Mario took his hammer again and crushed the switch.

“What?! Um…” Mickey readied his claws and poked White Knight on the rear.

“Yeeow!” White Knight shouted, “I’m going home!” White Knight left the chamber and ran away. Mario helped Booson escape and they all headed back to the surface together. They brought the coins to Mr. T.

“What?” Mr. T. asked, dumbfounded, “You…you paid it off? You’re amazing! I pity the debt!” Mario and his team left the Toad House and Mario tried to get Booson to give him the relic.

“But I got this today for my birthday,” Booson sighed, “But you really need it?” Mario nodded.

“Okay…then here it is…” Booson gave Mario the 2nd Relic of the Playroom. Mario was feeling confident. He had two of the 8 relics under his belt and 6 more to go.

Chapter 3: The Road to Didado

As Mario searched for the next Relic of the Playroom, the mailman Parakarry halted him.

"Greetings," Parakarry smiled, "I have a package from Merlon." Parakarry gave Mario the package and flew of. Mario slid the card out from under the ribbon.

The card read, "Greetings Mario, good work finding the relics. I thought you might want to take a little bit of a break. So I sent you this book. Enjoy it. Merlee wrote it, you know. Oooooo…" Mario tore open the package to find a book. He went to his house, sat down to read a few chapters. Peach was, of course, entirely against the idea, but oh well. Mario didn't notice it, but no sooner than he had opened the book he found himself in a medieval kingdom. Then he heard a bizarre voice.

"King Didado sayeth: What on heck's nameth?!" Not only did he not know who King Didado was, he wondered why on earth he spoke like a madman.

"King Didado sayeth: Who are you?" Mario answered.

"King Didado sayeth: Why are you here, one called Mario?" I'm sorry. Yes, I'm talking to you. Is King Didado's text wearing you out? I'll translate it for you. Anyways, Mario explained the whole thing.

"Oh. So…is one of these relics here in the kingdom of Didado?" Mario shrugged.

"Well, I don't suppose that this is what you need, right?" King Didado lifted a relic. Mario's jaw dropped.

"Yes?" asked a surprised King Didado, "Well…um… You'll uh…. You really need it?" Mario nodded.

"Well then. I'll give you the relic IF you help me save my daughter, Fifi," King Didado said. Mario nodded.

"Good. Now, my daughter is somewhere in the western region of Signa-Paros. Now go on." Mario, though confused, headed west to the realm of Signa-Paros. But when he got to the wall surrounding the castle there was no entrance. Mario heard Mickey talking to him.

"Hey Mario?" Mickey asked, "I think I can help." Mario shrugged as if to say "How so?"

"Well, I can take you right under this wall. Here, I'll show ya'." Mickey held Mario's hand and took them both under the wall by tunnel. Mario snuck to the door and overheard two guards.

"Did the boss recite his poem for you?" one guard asked the other.

"Yeah, that lame one about our prisoner?" the other guard replied.

"Yep. I think it went like this." The guard cleared his throat and recited the poem.



Fifi, the Princess so Fair

I got me a prisoner
Oh, Fifi the princess so fair
I lock her up in iron key
And she twirls and combs her silken hair

I want her to join me in matrimony

I even dance about

But Princess Fifi does this to me:

She turns around to pout

Oh I wish I could marry

My sweet, sweet Fifi

I ask, I plea

"Oh run away with me!"



Fifi, the princess so fair,

Twirling around her silken hair

She's so pretty I can't help but stare

And she's as cute as a teddy bear



When the guards left Mario entered the castle behind them. He made his way to the throne room and saw Duke Signa.

"Hello guards," Duke Signa grinned, "Has she decided to marry me?"

"Uh…no sir…" the guard chuckled.

"I um…kinda don't like that. Yeah, I don't like it at all."

"But sir, she thinks…you're…weird."

"WHAT?! Have this man booted out!" Mario moved closer…

"Who are you?" Duke Signa wondered, "You're an intruder. Guards! Take this plumber down to the dungeon."

"Sir yes sir!" the guards answered as they took Mario down into the prison. They threw Mario on his face and slammed the door. He called Mickey.

"Sorry Mario," Mickey frowned, "I can't get you out of here. There's no dirt." Mario looked around and saw a little creature that looked like a beetle. Mario picked up the creature.

"Hey!" cried the beetle, "Don't hurt me." Mario put the bug down slowly.

"Thanks," the bug…smiled…"My name is Tee Nee. I'm a buzzy bug. I can help power you up. How about that?" Mario nodded with a big grin.

"Okay. But I don't know what I can do yet." Tee Nee ran circles around Mario and surrounded him in sparkles.

"There you go!" Tee Nee exclaimed, "I think you can use the power by spinning around. Go ahead, try it out!" Mario spun in a circle. At first he was unaware, but after his dizziness faded he saw he was as thin as paper!

"Wow! That's cool!" giggled Tee Nee, "I think you can get out now if you go through the bars. Bye, bye!" Tee Nee then crawled through a crack in the wall. Mario used his new ability to escape the prison and find Fifi's cell. Mario looked in every cell and did not find her. He saw more guards and hid behind a bookshelf.

"Man," a guard said proudly, "Our boss is so cool!"

"Yeah," another guard answered, "He was so clever to hide Fifi's cell behind the statue of himself on the second floor."

"Yep. Good idea that to open it you have to push a button under one of his paintings."

"Yup, pure genius." But little did they know Mario was listening in. So Mario went up the stairs and found the statue.

"Ew," Peach shivered, "The details are all wrong. That nose is huge!" Despite the shoddy craftsmanship the team pressed on. Mario and Peach slowly and carefully remove a painting from the wall. Behind it was the switch to move the statue. Mario pushed it with caution. But when the button was pushed a big guard was summoned.

"Hey, hey, hey! Confidential stuff, duuuuuude!" the guard bellowed, "No one gets past 'Big Alfy' like that, duuuuuude!" "Big Alfy" got out a spear and struck at Mario. Mario called on Peach to aid him.

"I'll help, Mario!" Peach exclaimed. Mario struck Big Alfy with his wooden mallet. Alfy cried in pain and Peach struck with her parasol.

"I've got an ace up my sleeve, duuuuuude!" Big Alfy sniggered as he ate a fuzzy peach.

"Um…" Peach rolled her eyes, "Is something supposed to happen?" Big Alfy's large mouth grinned.

"I like, ate a peach, duuuuuude!" Big Alfy said, "Shouldn't you like…avenge it?"

"No. Not really," Peach swung Alfy with her parasol, "But someone may avenge you…dude…" While Big Alfy was downed, Mario and Peach made their way to Fifi's prison cell.

"Who's there?" a scared Princess Fifi asked. Mario stepped into the light to reveal his hairy magnificence.

"Did my father send you?" Fifi asked. Mario nodded and tried to open the door.

"Um, Mario?" Peach giggled, "Did you put the key in the lock?" Mario sighed and shook his head, and then he actually opened the door.

"Who is she?" Fifi scorned at Peach, "Did you find her in thine dumpster?" Peach was annoyed and furious about the comment.

"And is your dress made from soot?" Peach snapped.

"No. And for your information, I am daughter of King Didado. I outrank you 100%."

"I'm a princess too you know!" Mario held the two girls apart as if to say, "Stop arguing and move!" The two princesses stuck out their royal tongues at each other as they pressed on. Mario led the two out of the castle and by the main gate.

"Hold it right there!" called Duke Signa, "You three have escaped custody. Come back over here before I get angry!"

"No way!" Fifi said smugly.

"Oh, you've done it now, sister!" Duke Signa laughed, "Bonsai!" Duke Signa hopped in a robo-mech with cannons and lasers.

"What is THAT doing in medieval times?" Peach wondered. Duke Signa shot a bullet bill at Mario who carefully evaded it. Peach tried to smack the mech, but it was too strong for even her parasol to dent. Mario called for Mickey.

"I can rip that thing to shreds!" Mickey readied for battle, "Let's go!" Mickey clawed into the mech's metal and reduced it to bolts and wood.

"This doesn't seem good," Duke Signa hopped down to the ground as his mech exploded behind him, "Do you know how long it to me to make that? DUKE POWER!" Duke Signa ate a mushroom and grew to incredible size.

"Try to get me now!" the duke cackled. Mario and his faithful team looked for Duke Signa's weak point. But there was not one to be seen on his round figure. Duke Signa trampled some flowers as he fought Mario, but one of them rested a bee. The bee flew up and stung the greedy duke on the leg.

"Ow!" shouted Duke Signa, "I hate bees!" Mario ran to a near by tree and lifted a beehive over his head. And when Duke Signa turned his back he got an unpleasant surprise.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! BEES!" Duke Signa ran away for his castle, "King Chess has given me so much power, but none that can protect me from these cursed bees!" With Princess Fifi in hand, Mario headed for King Didado's castle.

"Thank you, thank you." King Didado nodded with approval, "Thank you for saving my lovely daughter. Now then…what was it that you wanted?"

"The Relic of the Playroom, please," Peach answered the happy king.

"Oh. Okay."

"Father," Fifi nagged, "Should we really give it to this plumber and ugly hag?" This "hag" Fifi referred to was a now very angry Princess Peach.

"Why you little…" Peach snarled.

"Fifi!" King Didado disciplined his daughter, "That is no way for a young lady to talk. Forgive her, milady. She is still so very young." King Didado passed the relic to Mario. Mario held it above his head, triumphantly.

"Only 5 more to go!" Peach exclaimed.

"Good luck hag!"

"Fifi!" King Didado stomped his foot.

"Oops, sorry daddy."

Chapter 4: Up the Clock Tower



As Mario and his team leaped into a pipe bound for Toad Town, they felt strange.

“How are these relics going to help us beat King Chess?” Peach wondered, “I mean, what can they do to help?” Peach decided to take her questions straight to Lord Bishop.

“Lord Bishop?” Peach called. The silhouette of the ruler answered,

“Yes, my dear?”

“How are we going to defeat King Chess with these silly relics?” Peach shrugged as she spoke.

“I’ll tell you later,” Lord Bishop replied.

“When?”

“All in due time, Peach, all in due time. Now carry on with the quest.” Mario and Peach left the inn.

“That was close,” Lord Bishop said to himself, “Too close. Had she discovered the plan he would have had my head. No matter though, soon he will be appeased and I may return to my previous life.” Mario searched the town for any leads on the next relic. He would talk to Merlin, but he used up all his coins on Mr. T.’s bed. But when he had finished looking around his own house a pipe was teleported to his exact spot. Yes, familiar. But expected? No. He cautiously went in and Peach followed behind. The heroes were taken to a puffy cloud.

“Where are we?” Peach wondered, “This place doesn’t look familiar…” All of the sudden Mario heard a faint voice.

“Oooo… Oooo…” then a boo appeared before his eyes, “Oooo… I am Bova. You helped my daughter,

Mother Boo. May I see my grandson?” Mario called for Booson.

“Grandpa!” Booson leapt with glee.

“Booson!’ Bova hugged his grandson, then turned his attention to Mario, “I must thank you. Mother Boo has always been…slow, shall we say.”

“Mr. Bova?” Peach spoke up, “You don’t happen to know where a Relic of the Playroom is, do you?”

“That funky little jester statue?” Bova asked for clarification, “Yes, one day this strange man gave it to me and told me to protect it with my life. I hid it in the highest room in the clock tower of Buzzyville. But it’s been locked down tight because some boos want it, the nerve of some immortals. They’ve even stolen buzzy bugs--”

“I’m sorry,” Peach cut in, “Did you say buzzy bug? We encountered one of those in Duke Signa’s castle didn’t we Mario?” Mario nodded his astounding, mustachioed, noggin.

“Really, little Tee Nee? He sure traveled a long ways. But as I was saying, you could find the key in my house. I’ll take you there, follow me.” Mario followed the strange boo into his hut in thriving Buzzyville. As they went through the town, Mario and Peach saw statues of Bova.

“You don’t happen to rule Buzzyville, do you?” Peach wondered.

“Not rule,” Bova corrected, “Guide. I am mayor here, Mayor Bova.”

“Yeah,” said Booson, “My grand daddy’s the mayor of Buzzyville!” As they entered Booson’s granddad’s house, Bova looked down and was shock at what he saw.

“The key!” Bova’s eyes twitched, “It is gone!” Mario looked around, but not a clue was there.

“Is something missing, old bean?” asked a voice, “White Knight is on the case!” Peach crossed her arms.

“This doofus again?” Peach spat, “Didn’t he run away when we crushed that big, red, juicy, button?” White Knight let out a chuckle.

“Coward?” he laughed, “Hardly. I’m a good man er…koopa…”

“Then why did you follow us?” White Knight was silent for a moment.

“Um… … … … … I…I like little jesters… Yeah, that’s it.” Peach rolled her eyes at White Knight. Then something hit her.

“Jesters, of course! Mario remember--”

“Yoink!” White Knight grabbed Princess Peach and ran out of sight. Mario and the rest of the gang chased after him.

“Well that was unexpected,” muttered Mayor Bova. The chase led them to the great clock tower.

“He, he, he, he!” White Knight giggled as he climbed up the tower, “You’ll never catch me, NEVER!” Mario spun his arm around and around…then he let go and shot his hammer right at White Knight!

“Huh?” White Knight fell to the ground like Wario after dinner. THUD!

“Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW, OW, OW!” Mario stepped beside the fallen detective.

“OVERLOAD, OVERLOAD!” cried White Knight, “System failure! Explosion imminent!” Mario and Peach ran to safety, away from White Knight. White Knight lay down silently for a moment, and then…KAP-LOOIE! He burst into metal shards.

“He was just...a robot?” Peach wondered aloud, “Was he really a robot all along?” A big piece of metal dropped on Mario’s head. He looked down to see what hit his noggin; it was the key to the clock tower. Mario picked up the, now filthy, key and headed for the base of the clock tower. He opened the door and stepped into the building.

“Oh my…” Peach stuttered and fell back. For behold her eyes were exactly 2,391 steps leading to the top. After Mario and Bova peeled Peach up off the ground, they headed up the winding staircase. But as they went up they heard the most peculiar humming. What was hummed goes as follows. But you’d better read. It’s hard to translate “Hum” to “Modern Toadglish.”



Tick Tock Clock



Tick tock, tick tock

You go up the many stairs

Tick tock, tick tock

All-too-familiar in evil lairs



Tick tock, tick tock

You go up to reach the top

Tick tock, tick tock

Careful, or you’ll trip and drop



Tick tock, tick tock

You hear many bats go by

Tick tock, tick tock

You hear…maybe twelve on the fly



Up you go!

Tick tick tock, tick tick tock

Up thousands of steps

As you go up the fabulous clock



“Oh!” Bova chuckled, “Don’t worry about the humming. It’s just to discourage thefts and things…”

“What is there to steal in a clock?” asked Peach.

“Scrap metal, and lots of it. And I guess your relic thing.” After the heroes were halfway done climbing and exhausted, Bova remembered something.

“Oh yes,” Bova snapped his…arms, “That!” Bova took a painting of the wall and pushed a button underneath. Then a chain lifted a metallic box.

“An…elevator?” Peach grew angry, “Why didn’t you tell that BEFORE I dirtied my heels?!”

“I um…forgot.” Peach rolled her eyes and the three of them stepped into the elevator. It was a surprisingly quick ride to the top. Mario took a breather and stepped into the inner workings of the clock. Thousands of little cogs meshed together, to form an elaborate wave of….clockness…

“Almost there!” Bova exclaimed as he stepped into the mechanics of the clock. The ticking was almost too loud to bear, the plodding of shoes also was found to be irritating, but Mario and Peach pressed on.

Finally, they made it out to the balcony.

“We…we made it,” Peach gasped for air, “Now, where is the relic?” Bova hit a switch, and a chain chomp came out of a hole in the floor.

“That’s not good,” Bova muttered, “That thing must have eaten it. Sorry Mario, you’ll have to beat that thing.”

Mario readied his hammer. He took a swing at the beast. He thought that would finish it off, he thought wrong. It laughed and transformed into a spiny, beastlike, chomp.

“Har har har!” the chomp laughed, “Chomper eat thingy for King Chess, he be proud of Chomper. Now Chomper eat you too!” Chomper licked his non-existent lips. He charged at Mario, maw gaping open. Mario moved at the last second and Chomper smashed into the wall.

“Way to go Mario!” Peach cheered, “Now it’s my turn.” Peach shut her parasol and whacked Chomper’s backside with it. Chomper freed himself from the wall.

“Bleck!” he spat, “Chomper thinks wall tastes bad! Chomper’s taste buds taste bleck!” Chomper hopped up to the ceiling and affixed his chain to a chandelier.
”He he!” Chomper retracted the chain and plummeted towards the ground. But Mario stood still.

“Mario!” Peach cried, “Move!” Mario still didn’t move.

“Mario! Please!” Peach shouted, “MOVE!” Bova pulled Peach towards him.

“I think he knows what he’s doing,” Bova said.

“No,” Peach replied, “I just wanted to deliver the final blow.”

“Chomper crush Mario!” Chomper was half a centimeter away from Mario when he unexpectedly (to Chomper, anyways…) moved out of the way. Chomper crashed right through the floor, then the next one, then the next one, until he had gone plumb through the cloud that held Buzzyville. Far, far, far, far, far below, Bowser sat in his throne.

“Ha ha ha!” Bowser cackled, “What a great day to be an evil king! Lives to ruin, plumbers to crush… Wha?” Chomper crashed through Bowser’s castle’s roof…on top of Bowser. Then Chomper bounced back up to Mario’s position and exploded. Leaving a furious Bowser, happy Mario, and a lot of repair to be done in his wake. The 4th relic floated gracefully down and landed in Mario’s hands. Mario was about to end the chapter when…

“Wait,” Bova said, “Um…I need to protect that.”

“But um…we need it…” Peach frowned.

“Well…just don’t tell that guy, ‘k?” Peach and Mario nodded. Mario lifted the 4th relic above his head and grinned underneath his kingdom of facial hair.

Chapter 5: The Next Relic Surfaces



“Bye Bova,” Peach said, “Come along, Booson.” Booson shook…himself.

“Sorry, Peach,” Booson apologized, “I want to stay with my grandpa for now. Promise you’ll take care of my Super Jester action figure?” Peach nodded, and then followed Mario back to Toad Town. They dipped themselves into the pipe leading to Peach’s hometown. Meanwhile, deep within the walls of his Castle, Bowser got to work on fixing his ceiling.

“Darned chain chomp,” Bowser muttered, “I didn’t do anything…yet… Kammy Koopa!” The old coot ran to Bowser’s side.

“Huff, huff,” Kammy coughed, “What is it, your evilness?”

“Bring me a jar of bolts and a ‘Shroom Cake wrapped in…meat. Got it?” Kammy nodded.

“Yes, your weirdness,” Kammy Koopa wheezed. About 15 minutes later Kammy returned with the bolts.

“Here they are, your fix-itness,” Kammy announced.

“Hey!” Bowser shouted and stomped his foot, “This ain’t ‘Shroom Cake, this is a regular ‘Shroom!”

“Your angeredness, remember your blood pressure!” Bowser stopped stomping.

“Why did you give me a ‘Shroom?!” Bowser asked very loudly.

“They were out of cake.” Bowser rolled his eyes.

“Whatever,” Bowser sighed as he shoved the meat-covered mushroom in his mouth.

“Mmm…” Bowser said with his mouth completely full, “Ho gu…”

“What, your eatingness?”

“I hed: ‘Ho gu…’!” Kammy shook her head.

“Will you say that one more time, your speech-impedimentness?” Bowser spat the mushroom on the floor.

“I said: ‘So good!’” Bowser peeled the mushroom off the floor and threw it in the trash.

“Got you, your disgustingness,” Kammy replied.

“Well at least you didn’t screw up with the bolts,” Bowser sighed.

“No pun intended, your viciousness?”

“No pun intended.” Bowser opened the jar of bolts and poured them into a tray. Bowser’s eyes widened when he heard a loud clank.

“What the--” Bowser looked at the tray and saw a statue of a jester in the tray.

“This’ll be worth millions!” Bowser exclaimed, “I’m so glad I bought these bolts!”

“But your showoffieness! I found—“ Kammy tried to explain.

“No I did it all,” Bowser cackled as he crossed his arms, “But as you know, Mario is going to be after this thing. I’ll plan a sneak attack, and then wiggle this jester in his face! Nyah!”

“Actually, you’ll give it to him,” a mysterious voice said.

“Hey, it’s my clown! I’ll do as I please!” Bowser snapped. The donor of the voice stepped up. He was as short as a toad. He wore a purple cloak and a big grin.

“It’s all part of the plan,” the cloaked figure replied.

“Well I need it for my plans!”

“If you don’t give the cute statue to Mario, I’ll have to send you back to the Underwhere.”

“No, no! Not going there again! I am not eating any more stale bread. I need meat! Okay, I’ll give it to the stupid plumber…if you tell me your name.”

“I…I can’t do that. What if I gave you a meat covered ‘Shroom Cake.”

“Make it 2.”

“Done! Now, deliver the package, ciao!” And with that, the mysterious man disappeared, leaving behind two meat covered ‘Shroom Cakes. Bowser stuffed a fluffy cake into his mouth.

“Mmm…” Bowser grinned, “Ho gu…”

“What is it, your deviousness?” Kammy asked.

“Hu uh!”

“What?”

“Euh ien.” Bowser sighed and went to find Mario, who happened to be in Merlon’s hut, with great displeasure. Mario gave Merlon 5 coins and expected a fortune.

“Um…” Merlon chuckled, “You need to pay 5 more coins.” Mario tossed 5 more coins on the table.

“Dear me,” Peach sighed, “Everything’s getting more expensive.”

“Everything’s getting more expensive!” Bowser shouted while in his own fortuneteller’s hut, his name was Elrem, “10 Koopa bucks!” Elrem nodded.

“Fine.” Bowser gave Elrem more money and proceeded to tell Bowser his fortune.

“You step into Toad Town, you find a huge tree. You set it on fire with thine fiery, and stinky, breath. With burnt tree in yonder town, out comes Mario from a building. That is your chance,” Elrem foretold, “Go one, say thank you.”

“No.” Bowser ran to Toad Town to find this “huge tree.” He found it all right, but he had a little trouble with the burning-it-without-burning-everything-in-sight thing. He exhaled lightly and a blazing flame shot out and burned the tree. Mario saw the signal, but he was not the first one. The first person to see the tree was a very angry toad.

“You burned my tree!” Mr. T. shouted, “You owe me 30,000 coins! I pity the koopa!” Bowser exhaled again, this time burning Mr. T.

“I pity the me!” wheezed Mr. T. Then Mario ran to see what was going on.

“Hey, Mario,” Bowser called, “Over here!” Mario pulled out his hammer, all ready for battle.

“Hold up!” Bowser cried, but Mario already landed a solid blow on Bowser’s head, “Ow! Okay, that hurt, Mario!” Bowser shot a ball of fire at Mario.

“I was playing nice, I was even going to help you,” Bowser frowned, “But now it’s on!” Bowser ground-pounded Mario into the ground, just like a nail. Peach dug up the hairy hero and swatted Bowser with her silken parasol.

“Bowser!” she shouted, “That was for kidnapping me for over 20 whole years!”

“But you still look so young,” Bowser laughed, “You’re joking right?”

“Talk to Mr. Miyamoto, loser.” And Peach gave another swat at the evil king. Mario got up and swung his hammer at Bowser once again.

“Gah!” Bowser shouted, “Stop doing that!” Bowser launched another ball of flame at our heroes and… Wait. This is graphic too. You’d better turn off your monitor and burn it…or something. Fine, have it your way. But don’t scream, ‘k? So anyways, the searing heat struck down Mario and Peach.

“It looks like the end, Mario,” Peach near-sobbed, “But there is one thing I want to tell you. I l—” Just then, when it looked like all hope was lost, a strange light shot out from the 4 relics in Mario’s possession. They swirled around the heroes.

“I feel…stronger,” Peach said, “Mario! The relics…they seem to be healing us. But how on earth--” Mario took no time to answer questions and threw his hammer at Bowser, stunning the king of the koopas. Bowser was irritated by this and spat out more fire. Mario dodged the flame and jumped on Bowser’s head, beating the evil king…for now.

“You fool!” Bowser shouted as he ran for his castle, “I’ll remember that!”

“That was so strange Mario…” Peach said, “Who created these relics? They almost seem to be controlled…” Peach and Mario shove those thoughts into the backs of there minds as Mario picked up the next relic.

Mario held it above his head triumphantly. The 5th Relic of the Playroom had been found with only 3 to go. Mario was feeling good.

I'll post the other chapters soon.

~Olaf~

[Flandre]

I liked it. Also, may I suggest merging this with somnus to create a large thread for your fan works, and not spamming the boards?

[Dingzhu]

Very interesting. I like how you kept the "Gather the 7 Stars/Map Pieces/Crystals/Hearts".

I'm still reading through it.

[Ami]

Um, Mouse? There is no Somnus topic. I've looked. And if he plans to update this with the rest of the chapters, and generates intelligent discussion, this isn't spam.

Though I would suggest that this topic be changed to encompass ALL of Olaf's writings, instead of one thing, but that's up to him.

[Flandre]

Then for future reference, I meant to say. I think that you have a nice habit in writing, Olaf.

[~Count Olaf~]

Chapter 6: The Sands of Dry-Dry Desert



In Castle Chess, King Chess sat in the throne as he spoke with an ally.

“You are a fool Sir D.,” King Chess spat, “You saved them.”

“You are precious, King Chess,” Sir D. laughed, “It’s all part of the master plan. It is not quite time for Mario to meet his untimely demise. Trust in me, my minion.”

“Yes sir.” Sir D. started to leave the room then he stopped and turned around.

“Oh, and summon Lord Bishop.”

“Yes sir.” Back in Toad Town, Mario went back to see Merlon. When he stepped into Merlon’s hut, however, Mario discovered that the fortuneteller was gone. Mario went back outside and saw a Squeek running away with Merlon.

“Mario!” Merlon shouted, “Get this scoundrel!” Mario chased after the Squeek through Toad Town. Mario wondered who would kidnap a fortuneteller. Oh well, he just needed to focus on “The Now.” Mario swerved around a corner, only to lose the criminal. All he did see was a dark alley and a…moving bush? Mario looked into the shrub and saw the Squeek.

“Let’s get him, Mario!” Peach exclaimed. Mario gave the thief a whack to the noggin, but the Squeek still continued to run.

“Do these freaks ever give up?” the Squeek wondered aloud, “When I get into the desert I’ll take this dude to Ratito, the king of thieves. Gah! I said it out loud!”

“Mario!” Merlon shouted, “He’s going into the desert and—” Merlon was cut off when the Squeek covered Merlon’s mouth.

“Shut up, shut up!” The Squeek entered a pipe and vanished from sight. Being courageous, and half-crazy, Mario leapt into the pipe.

“Hey!” Peach said to me, “Mario isn’t dumb!” Wait, lady, not the parasol! Don’t hurt me--no! OW! Sheesh, can’t a guy make a joke? So anyway, Mario, the oh-so smart, went through the pipe. The pipe was supposedly a transport to Dry-Dry Desert, supposedly… Mario emerged from the other end of the pipe. There it was, the sands of Dry-Dry Desert.

“We’re here,” Peach announced, “So um…where do we look first?” Mario suggested Dry-Dry Fortress.

“Dry-Dry Fortress?” Peach asked, “That place is so lawless and…filthy! No way I’m going in there.” Peach was firm, but Mario insisted that they look there. Mario and Peach plodded through the sandy dunes, looking for Merlon. As they searched the desert, they heard a whisper.

“Them again?” Mario turned his head, but saw nothing. After a moment the whispers continued.

“What’s up with the mustache?” Mario and Peach turned around but, once again, saw nothing. When they turned back around, however, they saw a band of Squeeks and in the lead was King Ratito.

“Come with me mustache!” King Ratito spat as his men bound Mario and Princess Peach in rope, “And of course the little lady.”

“The name is Peach to you,” Peach snapped.

“And a feisty lass she is.” King Ratito and his band of thieves took Mario and Peach to Dry-Dry Fortress (which happened to be their headquarters). They hung the heroes on ropes above a huge whirlpool of sand. But the unlucky Squeek that bound them fell into the sand.

“Belch!” The sound seemed to have come from the whirlpool itself. Mario turned his head and saw Merlon dangling there with him.

“Um…hello, Mario,” Merlon stuttered.

“Alright ye scallywags!” shouted King Ratito, “Where have you taken our relic?”

“The relic?” Peach asked, “We don’t have it.”

“Oh really? Then who stole it last night and has 5 of the others?”

“Not us!”

“Then who?!”

“I…I don’t know…” King Ratito turned to his men.

“Did you hear that, boys? She doesn’t know.” A loud laughter flooded the room.

“Well, once we get the relic from them we’ll send them into the whirlpool. Hows about that?” A cheer came from the thieves.

“Wait!” cried Peach, “If we find it for you, will you let us go?”

“So you want that, eh? Well I s’pose that’d be okay. We just can’t stand them dirty little thieves.” Peach rolled her eyes.

“How ironic,” Peach said plainly, “It’s a deal then. So…let us down from here!” King Ratito’s eyes widened.

“Down?” he chuckled nervously, “We haven’t quite figured out the ‘down’ part, just the up one…” Mario thought for a moment, and conceived a plan. Mario related his plan to the others.

“That could work…” King Ratito said, “Now let’s get to it!” King Ratito threw a knife at the heroes’ ropes, therefore dropping them from the post they hung from. Merlon used his magic to heat up the sand below them. The fire resulted in turning the fierce sand whirlpool into a skating rink of glass. Mario, Princess Peach, and Merlon climbed up the sides of the pit, back to safety.

“Now then, let’s get that relic,” Peach smiled.

“Oh um…” King Ratitio spoke up, “Here is an Atomic-Babe poster my pal gave me. It has always brought me good luck.” Mario took the anime-clad poster in hand and left the cave.

“Oh why did they drag me into this?” Merlon moaned.

“You can go home Merlon.” Merlon grinned.

“Oh thank goodness! The heat was starting to bug me.” With that, Merlon ran to Toad Town. And the heroes left Dry-Dry Fortress. They found footprints in the sand.

“They look like…koopaprints,” Peach thought aloud then blatantly added, “We’re probably up against a koopa.” Mario and the gang followed the footprints through the desert sands. They walked and walked and walked some more until finally…

“We’re here,” Peach sighed, “Now to find our culprit.” They footprints led into a cave with a sign out front.

“‘Do not enter,’” Princess Peach read aloud, “That’s what it says. Should we enter?” Mario nodded his quite hairy head.

“Okay then, Mario,” Peach shrugged, “If you say so.” The heroes stepped into the tunnel, not knowing what lay ahead of them. As they delved deeper into the tunnel, surprisingly, the brighter it got. Mario presumed something was up, but he continued on anyways.

“‘Ello, old chap,” said a familiar voice, “Welcome to your doom.” Mario looked at the voice’s owner. Mario was dumbfounded by what lie before him. It was White Knight!

“Pretty impressive huh, nerr?” asked an unfamiliar voice, “I designed it myself. It’s so hi-technicaaaaal!”

“Francis?” Peach wondered aloud, “Is that…is that you?”

“I’m not Francis, nerr. I’ve heard of him though, he’s so schweet.”

“Then…who are you?”

“Franklin, I’m the administrator for digibutter.nerr. You fell for my White Knight RC robot. All along, he was my puppet! You are so totally un-schweet. I will beat you with my V.2 Relic-Powered White Knight Deluxe, taste the pain, nerr!”

“Okay,” Peach chuckled nervously, “um…let’s get this dweeb!” Peach took a royal leap onto Franklin’s not-so-royal noggin. The impact was powerful, but it did not even faze the nerd.

“He he he ho ho ha, nerr!” laughed Franklin, “I am invincible to your puny attacks! All that could pierce my heart would be an Atomic-Babe anime poster, nerr!” Franklin activated White Knight and got into duel with Peach. But Peach knew she could not win, Franklin was unstoppable without that poster. The words of King Ratitio echoed in Mario’s mind.

“Here is an Atomic-Babe poster my pal gave me. It has always brought me good luck,” said the faint voice of King Ratitio (Residing in Mario’s mind). “Ew, the inside of your head’s filthy!” Mario ignored the comment and pulled out the Atomic-Babe poster.

“Humuna, humuna, humuna.” Franklin drooled. “So hawt.” Once the nausea receded, Princess Peach swung her parasol at Franklin, hurling him into a wall.

“Bwah!” he cried, “I can’t be defeated by such weaklings! The boys at digibutter.nerr would throw a fit, nerr!” Franklin jumped on Mario, who dodged the blow and countered it with his hammer. After an epic struggle… What? You want the details? Really? I guess I have some time on my schedule… Okay then, Franklin hit a wall for the second time.

“Eat detective, lame-os!” Franklin launched White Knight at the heroes, “Activate bubble pipe attack.”

“I am Error,” White Knight beeped. “Read the Wii instruction manual, then try again.”

“What’s going on?” Franklin wondered aloud, “That was um…supposed to beat you, nerr.”

“Tough luck, chief,” Peach taunted as she and Mario left the cave, “We’ve seen this before.”

“Error, error!” shouted White Knight, “Please insert a memory card into slot A. No, no, no! Not the controller port!”

“Uh oh,” whispered Franklin, “Well at least I have my Atomic-Babe poster with me.”

“Connections with the Wii Remote have been disrupted. Beep, beep, bee—zzzz. Ex—zzzzplo—zzzzsion, explosion imminent! Detonation in 5…4…3…2…”

“Oh no.”

“Goodbye!” A huge explosion blew the cave to bits. As Mario and Peach ran away, Mario felt a thud on his head. He looked down and saw the next relic. Mario was disturbed, disturbed by the fact whenever White Knight blew up something inside of it his his head. He was disturbed, but not overwhelmed. The 2 of them reached Dry-Dry Fortress in 1 piece, also with the relic in hand.

“Hey there!” called King Ratito, “We found it!”

“Found…what?” Peach asked.

“The statue we were looking for, see?” King Ratito showed them a Captain Goomba bust, and Mario and Peach’s jaws dropped, “Now you don’t need to look for it anymore.”

“But we found it to.” Peach showed King Ratito the relic.

“No, this is it!” argued the king of thieves, “But anyways, you can have that one. Jesters were never my thing.” Peach shrugged and gave the 6th Relic of the Playroom the Mario. The mustache-wearing hero held it over his head. He was so close, two more and the quest would be over.

Chapter 7: ESPK, Especially Super Paper Karts



Mario said his regards to the Squeeks and headed back to Toad Town. But he did not know of the plot that twisted around him. Deep in Castle Chess, a villain plotted in the shadows.

“So close to victory!” cried Sir D., “He has two more, then my plan will unfurl like the blanket at the Koopa picnic!”

“Sir Maniacal?” asked King Chess.

“It’s Sir D.! See the big ‘D’ on my chest?! ‘D!’”

“Oh, of course,” King Chess scoffed. “I hope this plan is worth my while. Otherwise I’ll let him finish you off, D.”

“Oh it will be, just wait…wait, waaaaaait.”

“Okay, Sir Freak-a-lot.”

“It’s a ‘D!’ A ‘D!!!’” With that King Chess vanished and Sir D., half maniacal, smiled grimly. Back in Toad Town, Mario tossed 5 coins on Merlon’s table.

“Not to worry my friend,” Merlon chuckled. “For saving me you get…1 coin off. Or perhaps I’ll count that towards your next telling, hm?” Mario shook his head and took back one coin.

“Fine,” Merlon muttered, Merlon then continued with the telling, “I see you and Peach. You take a blimp to Sporty City, and arrive just in time for the annual Kart race. You sign up and the path opens. There, Mister I-Don’t-Like-to-Save-and-Pay-Less-and…” Mario snuck out while Merlon was lecturing…well, now I guess the air.

“Why do we always take blimps to sporting events?” Peach questioned. Mario shrugged as he bought the blimp tickets. Before they knew it, Mario and Princess Peach were on the blimp, on their way to Sporty City. The air was pure. Only the sounds of gas coming out of…wait, the blimp? Mario looked up for once and saw gas leaking from the blimp. “Pbzzzzt” was the annoying sound that endangered our heroes. The gas leaked until…

“Aaaaah!” Princess Peach screamed as the blimp plummeted to the ground below, “We’re going to crash!” The frightened, nay, horrified heroes felt air, and gas, whizzing past them. Then splash! The blimp floated through the sea to the bay of Sporty City. Peach grinned and said, “Sweet, sweet H20.” Mario and Peach stepped onto the isle of Sport City, the heart of sports in the Mushroom Kingdom. A toad welcomed our protagonists.

“Hello!” the toad smiled, “Welcome to Sporty City! Here is your coupon, bye.”

The toad was about to leave when Peach asked, “What is this coupon for?” The toad smiled.

“For Mario Strikers: Charged, of course.” And with that, the toad waddled away.

“I guess we’d find this signup area, huh Mario?” Peach asked. Mario nodded and took Peach into the lobby.

“Howdy,” said the…signup lady, “I’m Queeny Toad, you can call me Q. T. What’s that? You want to go for the trophy? Of course, for a small fee.”

“How small a fee?” Peach asked smugly.

“Um…approximately hmm…I’ll go talk with the manager.” Q. T. walked into the cellar. The heroes heard an argument and a lot of shouting.

“What do you mean that plumber guy wants to signup?!” the manager shouted.

“I don’t know!” replied a loud Q. T., “He is after the trophy!”

“Well tell him the fee is…free! Get it?! Free-fee!” Q. T. sighed.

“I get it sir.” Q. T. got back to Mario and Peach.

“My mistake, you get in free,” Q. T. told Mario in a tone loud enough so that the manager could hear. “You’re room is room 6 on the 1st floor. But do not, I repeat, do not go in the other rooms. The risk of sabotage is too great. So go rest up, we’ll get you when it’s time to race.” Mario and Peach went into their room and fell into their beds. Snores filled the room, wait, is that you?! No? Okay, then it’s Mario. But, being fast asleep, they did not hear the pitter-patter of another person in the room, sprinkling strange powder on Mario.

“Shh!” shouted the goomba, “You’re giving me away!” Oh…sorry. The next morning, Peach woke up and stretched her arms.

“Oh…” Princess Peach yawned, “Morning already? Mario? Mario!” Peach got up and saw Mario on his bed, he was barely breathing.

“Mario, wake up!” Peach cried as she felt his head, “Youch! It’s so hot! Wait, what’s this?” Princess Peach picked up a vial that read: “Fire Flower Dust.”

“Mario’s been poisoned.” She said to herself as she ran for help, “Manager, Manager!”

“What is it?” asked the salty goomba, “Mario’s been poisoned?” Peach was surprised that the goomba knew, but she kept it to herself.

“He was—supposed to—ie at mid—ight,” the manager muttered. Then he spoke up, “I guess I could help. Give him this soup, it’ll really help.” Peach thanked the manager as she attempted to take the soup.

“Um…it ain’t free,” the manager added. Peach frowned as she gave the manager 10 coins. The manager gave Peach the soup, as she ran off in a flash.

“I’m here Mario!” Peach announced. Peach fed Mario the spicy soup and Mario’s eyelids fluttered open. Mario ginned.

“Mario, your okay!” Peach hugged the now constricted plumber. Much to Mario’s delight, Peach let go… … … …n… now. Mario panted and coughed for air.

“Sorry,” Peach apologized, “Now, let us win that race.” Mario and Princess Peach mounted their kart and drove into the racetrack. Thousands of people were in the bleachers, cheering for the karts below.

“This is going to be a big race for ESPK, Bill,” one of the commentators said.

“Yep, you’re right Tom, especially since the trophy is an ancient relic,” Bill replied. “That Racer 2 looks skittish though.”

“I think he’s just anxious to start.”

“Ready,” cried the manager, “set, go!” Mario floored the gas and the kart zoomed through the track. Over the ramp, through the dirt, and ‘cross the bridges they went. Racer 2 was way ahead, as he drove, dust, familiar to Peach, flew into the air.

“What is this stuff?!” shouted Racer 2, then suddenly, he fainted. His kart crashed into a wall and gas leaked everywhere. Mario and Peach shuddered at the sight, but they raced on. They swerved around the dust and got into the lead.

“He, he, he,” Racer 27 snickered, “Take this!” Racer 27 smashed into Mario’s kart, knocking Peach into the dirt (who happened to be driving). Mario stopped and pulled Peach back onto the kart.

“Whoa!” Bill cried, “What teamwork!”

“But will it cost them their lead?” Tom asked, “‘cause Number 27 looks feisty.”

“I mean. That was a malicious move down there.”

“Hope the other racers don’t get any ‘ideas.’” Peach slammed her foot on the gas and Mario and her kart flew back into second place. Mario tapped Peach on the shoulder.

“What is it Mario?” Peach asked as she swerved around another kart, “I’m trying to drive!” Mario pointed to a kart right behind them with spines where the headlights would be.

“Oh…that’s not good,” Princess Peach muttered. “Hold on, Mario! This is gonna be a bumpy ride!” Peach activated the boosters and the kart shot forward at over 300 MPH…for a few seconds, that put them in the lead, but without the booster they couldn’t boost again as karts grew closer to them.

“This doesn’t look good for Mario, Bill,” Tom sighed.

“Nope, it doesn’t,” Bill replied. “And with a quarter of a lap to go, they are dangerously close to losing.”

“Very enthusiastic, boys!” Peach shouted as she drove right over the finish line. Mario and Princess Peach hopped of their kart and the manager held up our heroes’ hands.

“We got ourselves the winners!” the manager called, “Mario aaaaaand Peach! Good job you two, you’ll get the trophy tomorrow at the ceremony. Until then, rest up!” A cheer ran across the audience as Mario and Peach went back into their room. Peach picked up the phone and dialed a number.

“Hello, your on Kart Talk,” said the voice on the phone.

“Yes,” Princess Peach replied, “My kart is in need of a new booster. Do you know where I might find one?”

“Oh, you don’t need a new one.”

“I don’t?”

“Nope, just fill the booster up with honey syrup.”

“Oh, thank you!”

“No prob.” Peach hung up the phone, “Mario? How are you doing?” Mario nodded and smiled.

“Glad to…hear…that,” Peach smiled, “I heard the Award Ceremony is in an hour and a half. They said they’ll pick us up at 2 ‘o clock.” Mario and Peach waited for two hours, but no one came to them up.

“Maybe…a little longer?” Princess Peach asked a frustrated Mario. 5 hours later still no one had come.

“I’ll bet they forgot,” Peach sighed. “I guess we’ll walk there ourselves.” They walked to where the ceremony was to be held. The room was empty, save for the manager.

“C’mon Ol’ Huff, how did the plan go wrong?” the manager asked himself, “All of those hired racers were so much better.”

“Hired?” Peach whispered.

“Oh, King Chess is gonna kill me,” Ol’ Huff continued. “He told me to make sure this exact plumber didn’t get his filthy mitts on the relic. That’s why I hired the racers and why I drugged Mario, right Huff? O’ course! I’ll just have to come up with an alibi for Mario.” Ol’ Huff headed for the exit, which also was Mario’s entrance.

“Hey, Mario,” Ol’ Huff said as he left the room. “Wait, Mario?!” Ol’ Huff ran back to Mario and Peach.

“You weren’t…listening in were you?!” Ol’ Huff shouted, “Well…now I’m afraid I’ll have to eliminate you.”

“Why does he eerily remind me of Grubba, Mario?” Princess Peach asked Mario, “Well, let’s get him.” Mario replied with his signature “Uh-huh”, and began the battle.

“Well, pard,’ Ol’ Huff chuckled. “I used to be an extreme racer long ago, but now I’m a master! Let’s settle this on the track, shall we?” Mario nodded.

“Fools!” Ol’ Huff cackled as he jumped on Mario’s head, “You fell for that? Har!” Mario swung his hammer at Ol’ Huff.

“Ow,” Ol’ Huff panted, “that really hurt.”

“Don’t let his look fool you, Mario!” Peach hinted as she jumped on Ol’ Huff, “He’s still just a goomba!”

“An ultra-goomba now,” Ol’ Huff said as he ate a mushroom, “an invincible one at that.” Ol’ Huff leaped on Mario’s head, who quickly dodged. Peach gave Ol’ Huff a smack with her parasol. Mario followed the smack with a whack with his good old hammer.

“Yoip!” cried Ol’ Huff, “How have I been beaten by stupid kart racers?”

“‘Cause we aren’t stupid like you ‘pard’,” Peach taunted as she gave Ol’ Huff a final smack on the head.

“Dang!” Ol’ Huff said as he faded away, leaving the next relic behind him, “Ol’ Huff will remember thisen!” Mario picked up the trophy, er, relic and held it above his head.

“Only 1 more Mario!” Princess Peach cheered with glee. Yuppers, only one relic is left, one.

Chapter 8: Tropical Safari on Mount. Muchucha

Mario and Princess Peach left the arena, looking for a way back to Toad Town.

"Hello!" said Captain Goomba, "Come get on my ship, I'll sail ya' to the Town of Toads!"

"Really?" Peach frowned, "How much?" Captain Goomba chortled.

"Fee?" Captain Goomba smiled, "No fee. Nope, none at all."

"Well there must be some strings attached." Peach rolled her eyes.

"Well…"

"I knew it."

"I just need you to…bring me a delicious, delectable, hot dog." Princess Peach sneered in disgust.

"Okay, Mario? Is that? Is that okay?" Mario nodded and took Peach to find a hot dog. Meanwhile, deep in Castle Chess, within his secret quarters, Sir D. examined Mario's progress.

"He is moving alone perfectly," giggled Sir D. "He has defeated Ol' Huff. Sooooooo perfect. It is almost time for him to meet his end though." Sir D. stepped in front of his mirror and peeled of his hood to reveal his grinning face.

"This is all too easy." Mario and Princess Peach found a hot dog and took it to Captain Goomba.

"Mmm…" Captain Goomba drooled as he devoured the juicy heaven, "So expensive." Princess Peach shot the goomba a strange glare.

"Oh, right," stuttered Captain Goomba. "Time to make weigh!" Mario, Captain Goomba, and Princess Peach boarded the boat and set sail for Toad Town. As they sailed away, Captain Goomba sang a little song. I think it went like this:



Cruisin' da' Seven Seas



Yo ho, cruisin' the seven seas
The wind fills up the sail
To get ourselves to Toad Town we may succeed
Or we might fail

Yo ho, cruisin' the seven seas

And we swear we will not bail

We will not bother 'bout the risk

As across the seven seas we sail



Yo ho, crusin' the seven seas

We head for Toad Town

The air seems at our favor but we cry:

"Oh wind, don't let us down!"



"Brilliant," Peach joked, "you could win a golden toad award."

"Really?" asked a hopeful Captain Goomba.

"No."

"Aw…" sniffled Captain Goomba, then suddenly changing his tone he asked, "What's that?" Captain Goomba pointed out a whirling column of air. Mario and Peach's jaws dropped.

"It's a watersp—" Peach stuttered, she gathered her thoughts and finished, "It's a waterspout!"

Captain Goomba made no hesitation to shout: "Just hold on to somethin'!" Peach and Mario nodded and took hold of the mast pole. Captain Goomba then snatched the handrails. The three of them screamed as the waterspout engulfed their mighty sea vessel.

"Oh…" Peach moaned, "my head. Mario? Captain Goomba?" Peach realized she was no longer on the ship, but a tropical island.

"Oh this is just great," Princess Peach sighed. "First we have to give that goomba a hot dog, then we get stranded on an island! I wonder if the others are okay." Peach looked around the new scenery for Mario and Captain Goomba. All of the sudden, she heard a bellow.

"What was that?!" Peach asked herself. "It must be a dangerous beast! I know, I'll prove myself to Mario by slaying it." Peach took her now very ratty parasol and searched for the beast. Princess Peach heard another bellow.

"It must be behind that bush," Peach told herself. The headstrong princess held her breath and leaped onto the creature.

"Gwag!" the beast cried, "The pain!" The fierce creature ran around on all fours, trying to get away from Peach. The beast stopped.

"Fine," exclaimed the beast, "I surrender." Peach hopped off the beast.

"Alright you big talking beast you," Peach said, "I'm gonna— Wait, Bowser?!" Bowser dusted himself off.

"Peach?!" Bowser's eyes widened, "What are you doing here?"

"Well," Princess Peach told Bowser, "we were on our ship. Then a horrible storm hit and then…" Bowser waved his hands as if to say: "Enough, enough!" which is exactly what he said.

"Spare me the details," Bowser interrupted. "Give me the quick version, 2.0 perferedly."

"Alright," Peach sighed her royal sigh, "a goomba, Mario, and I were stranded here."

"That's much better," Bowser smiled.

Peach asked, "How, pray tell, did you get here?"

"I came here on vacation. I left Kammy Koopa with the troops." Deep in Bowser's Castle, things weren't going to well.

"No!" Kammy Koopa cried, "Stop! Stevenson, don't touch that! No, now you lit the fuse! Run, run away!"

Back on the island, Bowser chuckled: "I'm sure they're having an explosively good time. Har, har, har! Want to hear what I did?" But before Peach could answer Bowser already started the story.

"Well, I was getting my stuff, right? Of course, but as I pack I'm like, 'Hey! I'll mess with Kammy before I go!' So then I ya' see set the bomb and…" As Peach snuck off, Bowser continued his story.

"Help! Ol' Captain Goomba is in need of assistance!" shouted a voice. Princess Peach immediately recognized it to be Captain Goomba and followed the sound of his voice.

"There you two are," Peach frowned, "I've been looking all over for you!"

"As have we," chuckled the old goomba, "but do you have a means of escape?"

"No."

"No? What do you mean no?!"

"No: the act of disagreeing with someone, the opposite of yes."

"I know about no! Just forget it. We'd better find one then, wot, wot?" Peach and Mario nodded and they all looked for an escape.

"Hello there," said a friendly voice, "how arr you?" Peach leaped out of fear.

"Not great," Princess Peach replied, hesitatingly, "hey, can you help us get off of this island?"

"Sure! Yoshis, assemble!" Out of the shadows appeared a tribe of yoshis. They all greeted the heroes warmly.

"We will help you," shouted the yoshi leader, "if you help us settle our dispute."

"What dispute?" Peach questioned the yoshis.

"Our dispute between the Toady Tribe, and us yoshis." Mario and Peach agreed.

"Alright then, follow us up Mount. Muchucha!" Mario, Peach, and Captain Goomba scaled the mountain face, up to the Yoshi settlement. They followed the Yoshi elder, Yoshzilla, into his hut.

"Well then," Yoshzilla said, "I'll get right to the point. The Toady Tribe has long been our enemy. What's that? 'Why?' Well, because a long time ago, er, days ago they stole something from us. They stole my Diamond! We need you to get it back then we will help you get to Toad Town. Deal?"

"Deal!" replied Captain Goomba.

"Alright then. The Toady camp is due east of here. I don't recall who exactly stole Diamond, but we know it definitely one of the Toads." Mario shrugged and searched for Yoshzilla's Diamond. The team headed east and found the Toady Tribe, just as Yoshzilla had said.

Princess Peach walked up to a toad and asked: "Hello. Do you know anything about Elder Yoshzilla's diamond?" The toad nodded.

"Sure we do. The Yoshi Tribe and the Toady Tribe used to be friends. But then they blamed us for stealing that Diamond! Now we are enemies."

"Well, do you know who really took it?"

"Yes. We've been telling them that beast of the forest stole it, but they won't listen!"

"Wait, did this beast have red hair and breathe fire?" The toad pondered that for a moment.

"As a matter of fact, he did."

"It was Bowser then!"

"Who is Bowser?" Mario and Peach were surprised that these people didn't know. Were they all castaways from some unknown kingdom? Maybe.

"It's best for know you don't know," Princess Peach chuckled as she, Mario, and Captain Goomba walked back into the rainforest.

"What? You met up with B-b-b-Bowser?!" Captain Goomba questioned Peach.

"Yes," Peach answered, "he was telling me a story or something." When they found Bowser, it looked like he was talking to himself.

"…And then I met up with you, Peach," Bowser continued his story, "and you told me your story, then I told you this one…"

"Um…Bowser?" Peach asked.

"What? Can't you see I'm talking to you right over there? Wait…you weren't listening to my story! I'll get you for this!" Captain Goomba his behind a tree and called: "You guys take Bowser out. I'll cheer from over here." Mario started off the battle with bang by smacking Bowser with his hammer. Peach followed the blow with a solid leap onto the Koopa King's head.

"Ow!" Bowser cried, "That always hurts! But it's my turn, you doofuses!" Bowser shot fire at the heroes, a fire that would have burnt them to the crisp. If Mario and Peach hadn't have moved. Mario leaped on Bowser's head, boots a-ready to smush. Bowser laughed and leaped on Mario's head.

"Take that!" Bowser sung, but his celebratory singing left him open for attack.

"Hyah!" Peach shouted as she whacked Bowser on the head with her mighty umbrella.

"No!" Bowser exclaimed, "Beaten by you two again!" Bowser ran off, leaving something behind him. Mario picked it up and handed it to Princess Peach.

"It's…a teddy bear?" Peach questioned, "No matter, we'd better tell Yoshzilla we couldn't find his diamond." Peach sighed and headed for Yoshzilla's hut.

"Diamond!" he shouted as he gave the bear a squeeze, "You found it!"

"What? That's a teddy bear, not a diamond," Peach corrected the yoshi elder.

"Her name is Diamond silly!" Of course, I knew it all along. I've been capitalizing diamond! What's that? You don't care? Okay then.

"Thank you for finding my Diamond," Yoshzilla thanked Peach and Mario, "we have readied a ship on the coastline. It'll get you to Toad Town. So…who had Diamond?"

"If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. But just so you know, it was not the Toady Tribe."

Mario shrugged and boarded the ship with Peach and Captain Goomba. Once again, Captain Goomba sung his song as the heroes sailed to Toad Town.

"You're such a wimp, Captain Goomba," Peach sighed, "Hiding from fights."

"What can I say?" Captain Goomba replied, "I'm a born coward."

Chapter 9: The Two Relic Shards



Captain Goomba docked his ship in the Toad Town harbor.

“There ye go!” Captain Goomba exclaimed, “Have fun with ye leetle relics!” Mario and Peach stepped off of the boat and Captain Goomba sailed away.

“Where to next, Mario?” Princess Peach asked our fuzzy hero. Mario pointed towards Merlon’s hut and the duo walked that way.

“…-And-doesn’t-like-to-invest-money-and-then-won’t-come-again-‘cause-he’s-stranded-on-some-island!” Merlon finished rambling and took a breath of relief, “That’s why you save your coins.”

“Merlon?” Peach questioned, “Here are your coins, where do we go next?” Merlon’s eyes widened.

“So you were gone the…whole…time?!” Merlon fainted. About 6 minutes later, Mario and Peach woke up Merlon.

“Alright, alright, the fortune,” Merlon sighed as he got behind his crystal ball, “here goes. You go to the wishing well and throw 10 coins in. The well then tells you what to do. Then the way opens.” Mario nodded and searched for the well. In Castle Chess, Sir D. rested in his room.

“My favorite perfume,” Sir D. grinned, “Demented.” Sir D. sprayed on some of his luscious perfume and looked into the mirror. Sir D. laughed and said: “My perfect plan will soon be completed. Then I may kill that stubborn Mario and his cracked little gang. Oh D-------, you are a genius!” What?! The name has been cut out! Oh well. Back with Mario, he found the well and tossed in the coins.

“Oooo...” moaned the well that sounded a lot like Merlon, “Go to the center of Toad Town and run around the handsome, beautiful, fantastic, Merlon’s house 3 times and hop into the pipe that appears. Oooo…”

“Thank you,” Peach grinned, “Merlon.” A chuckle echoed in the well as Mario and Peach went to Merlon’s house. They ran around it with no problems, some strange glares, but no problems. And before their very eyes, the pipe emerged from the ground. Peach stepped up first.

“Well, time to go,” Peach shrugged as she went down the pipe. Mario followed Princess Peach, into the great gross green, tube. Mario and Princess Peach were ejected into a gloomy area. The fauna was weak and pale whereas the landscape was structurally sound and colorful. A little figure approached our heroes with a grim, but somehow…friendly, expression on his face.

“Hello,” greeted the little guy, “I’m Shusha, an Uchidark from Uchihaven.”

“Hello,” Peach replied as she petted Shusha on the head, “I’m Princess Peach, and this is Mario.”

“Pleased to meet you, Peach.”

“So, do you know about the Relic of the Playroom here?”

“The what?!” Mario explained.

“Oh, you mean the funky little clown?” Shush frowned, “Uh…you’ll have to talk with Emperor Gwucha about that, follow me!” The hairy man and the princess followed their new friend to Emperor Gwucha’s palace. As they walked through the dark alleyways, they saw paintings of previous emperors. Each one donned a golden badge.

“Relic you say?” asked the ruler of the Uchidarks, “It is in the Shadow Temple...”

“Simple,” Princess Peach cut in, “we just go in, collect the prize, then leave.”

“Not simple,” Gwucha corrected as he rose from his throne, “it has been broken into 2 pieces by an evil tyrant, Great Gwan. He once was emperor of the Uchidarks, but he turned evil and recently stole the relic. We have been too afraid to go in and claim it ourselves. But if you defeat Great Gwan, you may have the trinket. Deal?” Mario nodded and took Peach to the temple. When the two arrived they cautiously steeeeeeeeped insiiiiiide. They found three paths, one red one yellow the other pink. The heroes chose their respective colors and split up. Peach saw a button and a cage containing half the relic.

“Wait!” Peach cried, she stopped her hand from pushing the button, “It’s a trap!” Peach looked around, but no other way to get the relic was present.

“Well,” Peach sighed, “I guess I need to press the button.” Princess Peach pressed the golden button, expecting to fall a floor beneath. The cage opened and the relic was in arms reach.

“What the--? It’s real?” Peach pondered these questions and reached for the relic. And no sooner than she put out her hand, the floor vanished beneath her.

“I knew it,” muttered Princess Peach as she fell into the hole. Back with Mario, he found an endless pit with platforms floating across it with the relic on the other side. Mario leaped from one platform to the next. Leap, leap, leap, success! Mario reached out his hand for the relic. He successfully grasped it before he fell into the floor below. Peach and Mario were dropped into the same room, apparently…

“Hi Mario,” Peach said calmly. “Time to get the other half.” The two heroes looked around for a way to get back up. They found to identical levers on opposite sides of the room. Mario and Peach gave each other a signal then pulled the levers simultaneously. The ground rumbled and a flight of stairs shot out of the floor, leading into Peach’s previous room. There they were, the other relic piece lay on the pedestal Mario reached out for it and grabbed it in his mighty grip. Peach smiled, until spikes fell from the ceiling and the doors were locked.

“Oh no!” Princess Peach shouted, “There is no way out! We’re doomed, doooooooomed!” Mario conjured up a plan. He pulled out his hammer, walked over to a crack, and stood still.

“Mario?” Peach asked, trying to remain calm, “Suicide is not the answer.” Mario shook his head and since that, did not move. At the last, final, grandest moment, Mario jammed the spikes with his hammer, providing enough crawlspace for part 2. Mario punched the crack and created a tunnel for means of escape. Peach crawled through. Mario crawled over to his hammer.

“Mario!” Peach shouted, “Leave the hammer behind!” Mario ignored her and pulled his hammer free of the spikes and went into the tunnel in the nick of time. Mario and Peach went through the tunnel and emerged at the original crossroads.

“That was…impressive,” Peach chuckled. “Well, only one room left. Great Gwan must be in there.” Mario slowly opened the yellow door and, also slowly, stepped in.

“Who disturbs me?” boomed an unfamiliar voice, “Speak!”

“We are here to end your life, Gwan,” Peach replied grimly. The donor of the voice stepped out of the shadows to reveal the body of Emperor Gwucha.

“I am not Great Gwan!” laughed the figure, “I’m Emperor Gwucha! Great Gwan has imprisoned me. He is the Emperor Gwucha you saw before, he was a snake!”

“Give us proof,” Peach scoffed. The figure showed our heroes a golden badge on his chest.

“Did Emperor Gwucha have this?” Peach and Mario’s jaws dropped.

“No, he…didn’t. So…he tricked us?!”

“Correct my friend. Now hurry and get me out of here.” Mario took the true emperor back to Uchihaven. They walked into the false Emperor Gwucha’s throne.

“Imposter!” cried the true Emperor Gwucha, directing a finger to the false one.

“Oh drat,” Great Gwan frowned, “I’ve been discovered!” Great Gwan switched into his true form and escaped from the palace.

“After him,” Emperor Gwucha commanded his guard and Mario, “get him!” Mario chased after the fiend and caught him in the town square.

“Bleck!” Great Gwan said as he leaped on Mario’s head, “Now I must fight you. Pity you will lose.” Mario and Peach readied their weapons and swung them at Great Gwan. The imposter laughed and breathed fire on Mario.

“Ya’ see?” Great Gwan asked, “I can take on the power of anyone I’ve seen. Take Bowser’s punishment, fools!” Princess Peach poked at Great Gwan with her parasol. And Mario leaped on the fiend.

“Gwah! Can’t take much more of this…” Great Gwan panted, “Good thing I have an ace up my sleeve.” Great Gwan fashioned himself a giant hammer and smushed Mario and Peach with it…repeatedly.

“Fools!” Great Gwan laughed maniacally. Mario summoned the last of his strength and used his hammer to finish off Great Gwan.

“Wa!” Great Gwan sobbed and vanished from sight, “King Chess will hate me for this!” Mario headed back for the real Emperor Gwucha.

“Thank you, Mario,” Emperor Gwucha smiled. “You have saved my kingdom. You may have all the treasure you wish.”

“We only need the relic,” Peach explained. Mario tried to stop the princess but alas, he failed in getting the treasures.

“That’s all?” Emperor Gwucha asked, confusedly. “Alright.” Mario lifted the relic above his head. He had gathered all of the Relics of the Playroom, now it was time to see Lord Bishop.

Chapter 10: Le Grand Finale



Mario and Peach said their adieus as they left Uchihaven.

“That place was strange, right Mario?” Princess Peach said to Mario who nodded in reply.

“We’ve finally collected all of the relics too,” Peach added. “We need to see Lord Bishop and prepare our plan of action.” Mario agreed whole-heartedly as he and Peach went into the pipe, leading to Toad Town. Deep within the walls of the fortress, Castle Chess, Sir D. waited impatiently.

“Oh, they soon will come,” Sir D. told himself, “and then my first plan may truly succeed after I smite that ‘hero,’ Mario. My plan would have worked, if that failure of a leader, Count Bleck hadn’t screwed things up. Oh well, this won’t get them here any sooner.” In Toad Town, Mario marched into the inn in which held Lord Bishop.

“Hello, Mario,” Lord Bishop smiled, “did you already find all the relics?” Mario nodded as he lifted all 8 relics above his head.

“Good,” Lord Bishop announced, “Now we may strike at King Chess. Now, if you would just follow me.” Lord Bishop walked out into the plains with Mario close behind.

“This should be the perfect spot for the plan,” Lord Bishop whispered, “Sir D. shall be pleased. I wish to defeat him myself, but that Sir D. wants to do it for his ‘revenge.’”

“What is he mumbling about?” Peach wondered aloud.

“Nothing,” Lord Bishop replied, speaking up, “now come over here.” Lord Bishop waved his hand and created a bridge of crystal, leading to Castle Chess. Mario tried to get on first but Lord Bishop stopped him.

“Ladies first,” Lord Bishop corrected Mario. Peach smiled and climbed up the steps. Mario and Lord Bishop followed behind her, up the many steps to the balcony of the infamous Castle Chess. “Click clack,” was the sound of the threesome’s feet plodding on the crystal.

“We are almost there,” Lord Bishop called, “just a little farther.”

“So how are the relics going to help us defeat King Chess?” Princess Peach asked, crossing her arms.

“I already told you, and I quote: ‘All in due time, Peach, all in due time.’ If you don’t die first, anyhow.”

“What are you mumbling about?!”

“Nothing, my dear. But we are here.” Peach, Mario, and Lord Bishop entered the castle. They snuck into the castle’s interior. Once they arrived at the main hall, they searched desperately for King Chess. They found him on his throne, in the throne.

“King Chess!” Lord Bishop shouted, “Your game is over! I’m afraid, in your own terms, check and mate.” Mario smashed King Chess with his hammer.

“You fools,” King Chess replied, “never expecting the real plot of the poem! It is now time for you to meet your end!” King Chess waved his hands and surrounded himself in a crystal barrier.

“Come at me now, worm!” King Chess laughed as he cut Mario, and Peach with his blade. The two screamed in anguish. King Chess took another swipe.

“Please,” Peach sobbed, “stop!” But King Chess showed no mercy and took another slice. But as the evil king prepared for the final blow, he felt cold metal plunged into his back.

“I told you not to kill them, you stupid minion,” Sir D. said grimly, “now they will be far to easy to eliminate, heroes of the prognosticus.” Sir D. used magic to shatter the staircase Mario and Peach had used earlier.

“Who are you?” Peach asked, “How do you know us?” For the first time, Sir D removed his hood to reveal the infamous head of a jester.

“Surprise,” Sir D. laughed.

“D-d-d-Dimentio?!” Princess Peach stuttered, “But you were—”

“Dead? Hardly. I consider myself, reborn. You see, when you killed me and I was sent to the Underwhere, the Chaos Heart clung to my life and successfully brought me back.”

“Well, we have the power of the Relics of the Playroom. They even healed us, I’m sure they can help us defeat you.” Dimentio waved a finger.

“Sorry my dear child,” Dimentio stole the Relics of the Playroom from Mario by telekinetic energy, “for I created them.”

“So when we were healed…you did that?”

“Indeed, all part of my revenge. Humiliation and annihilation.” And with one beam of magic, Dimentio utterly destroyed the relics, obviously tugging at Mario and Peach’s strings.

“So you’ve been planning this from the beginning!?” Peach and Mario could barely contain their rage.

“Exactly, genius, eh? And Lord Bishop, my wonderful minion has been leading you into my glorious trap!”

“No, this is madness!”

“Well, everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. My opinion, wonderful so I can get you out of the way and put my plan of world conquest back into action. So with that said, for the final time, for all eternity, ciao!” With Lord Bishop’s true siding finally revealed, he and Dimentio battled Mario.

Mario was about to attack Dimentio when Peach called: “Mario, first get Lord Bishop! He seems to focus all his defense on Dimentio.” Mario acknowledged the idea and directed the hammer swing at the vile traitor, Lord Bishop. Princess Peach followed it up with a whack of her parasol.

“Mario!” Dimentio shouted, “You are almost dead and a fool to resist this!” Dimentio launched an all-out attack on Mario and Peach, significantly decreasing their life force.

“Mario,” Peach said sadly with what would have been her final breath, “there was something I wanted to tell you. I l—” A strange sound filled the air.

It sounded like this: “Neeeeerr!” Dimentio looked up and saw Franklin plummeting down upon he and Lord Bishop.

“Nerr, that was a schweet ride,” Franklin giggled and walked off, leaving Lord Bishop and Dimentio paralyzed for a moment.


“So that’s what happened to him…” Dimentio muttered. Mario crawled forward and reached to touch the shattered Relics of the Playroom. At that moment, the enemies got up and a strange thing happened.

“Gah!” Dimentio interrupted, “What’s going on?! Power is leaking from the relic shards!” The last healing energies of the stone relics engulfed Mario and Princess Peach’s bodies, refreshing them and filling them with life.

“Sorry, Dimentio,” Lord Bishop chuckled nervously, “you said you waned to take them.” Lord Bishop left in a huff.

“Curse you traitor!” Dimentio cried, “Like a fell wind on the sail of my soul, Lord Bishop escapes in cowardice. Alright Mario, fear my true power, the power of magic!” Dimentio drew in power from Castle Chess, and it began to crumble into dust.

“We still have to fight!” Princess Peach told Mario, “We can’t give up just yet!” And the battle raged on atop the crumbling building. Dimentio shot two beams of energy at Mario and Peach who quickly dodged them. Mario bounced on Dimentio’s head and Peach did the same.

“Dimentio, give it up or we all die!” Peach shouted.

“Never! I will not surrender, hyah,” Dimentio shot another beam at Mario and it was too late for him react.

“Mario!” Princess Peach cried as she leaped for the plumber and took the blow. Energy surged around the princess.

“M-m-m-m-Mario…” Peach whispered, “I l-l-l-l-love you.” Princess Peach collapsed and fell off the edge of the tower onto a nearby bush.

“Ha! Foolish princess,” Dimentio cackled as he punched Mario. Mario had two choices; he could save the near-dead Peach or finish of Dimentio.

“Or surrender,” Dimentio added to…my statement. Mario noticed he had a mushroom on hand. Once he noticed that, he proceeded to climb down the castle.

“Aw, the little flea is escaping from the spider,” Dimentio grinned as he referred to himself and Mario. Our hero went down the crumbling staircases in the castle. He ignored all of the enemies in his way. Nothing would keep him from his mission: save Princess Peach. He arrived at the final floor and ran out the door. He ran over to the bush where Peach lay.

“M-m-m-Mario…” Peach uttered quietly, “Defeat D-d-d-d-d-Dimentio, be a hero…” And Peach’s eyes shut tight. Mario fed the dieing Princess Peach his mushroom. She reopened her eyes.

“Thank you, Mario,” Peach said as she gave Mario a kiss on the cheek, “now let’s finish Dimentio, once and for all!”

“The flea finally stops,” Dimentio sighed. “Pity, I found the chase fun.” Dimentio leaped into the air, did 3 spins and landed on Mario’s head. Mario used his hammer but it did Dimentio no damage.

“Mario,” Princess Peach called, “if the Chaos Heart brought him back it must be in his possession. If we destroy the heart, we destroy Dimentio!” Peach used her parasol and ripped apart Dimentio’s cloak. Beneath it, she and Mario saw the Chaos Heart implanted in Dimentio’s chest. Mario and Peach saw it was his weak point and attacked that spot.

“Gah, that hurts like thousands of nails piercing the blackboard of my soul!” Dimentio cried in pain. Dimentio shot an aura of magic energy at Mario and successfully hit the red-clad hero, though it was not as powerful as the one that near killed Peach. Mario leaped on Dimentio’s head. The psychotic jester countered the blow, and made him feel confident. But Peach seized the moment to take her umbrella and impale Dimentio and the Chaos Heart. Dimentio coughed up blood and fell to the ground.

“You…did well…Mario,” Dimentio wheezed as the Chaos Heart bounced out of him and exploded. Dimentio coughed up more blood and his skin dried up and shattered. Leaving behind the lifeless skeleton of Dimentio.

Princess Peach couldn’t stand the sight and said: “Let’s go home, Mario.” Mario nodded and the two of them left as Castle Chess was obliterated into dust.

Epilogue: The Not-So-Flat Ending



“Wow!” Luigi exclaimed to his brother (who are both in their house), “You have awesome adventures! If only I were so lucky.” Mario patted Luigi on the back.

“Mail call!” Parakarry shouted as he dropped a letter into the Mario Bros’ mailbox. Luigi stepped outside and came back in with two letters.

“I’ll read the one to you first,” Luigi decided. “Ahem…”

The letter read: “Dear Mario, how are you? I’m just fine, a little tired but fine. Recently I went out to check on all the places we went on our trip. The ‘Shroom-Noggins in ‘Shroom-Cave are doing great. Toadgin and some of the other miners started a band called: ‘The Pop-Noggins.’ Their hit song is ‘Trundle in the Tunnel.’ I went to see it. It was incredible! The lighting was perfect and the voices were dreamy. Then I went to visit Mother Boo. When I found her, she was reading a postcard from Booson. The picture was…weird. It was Booson in a…bathing suit… After I got that image out of my head I went to the kingdom of Didado. That Fifi. Grr, now I’m ‘Super-Hag!’ Oh, I’ll get her for that. In Buzzyville, Booson has really grown up. Now he’s running against Bova in the election! Kids sure do get old fast. I obviously didn’t visit Bowser being…he and all. But the thieves in Dry-Dry Fortress have gotten plenty of loot lately. They offered me some, but I didn’t take it. Okay, I did. So what? In Sporty City, Q. T. is now the manager of the kart races. She is still as cute as ever too. I hit another waterspout and went to Mount. Muchucha. The tribes are now getting along very well. Or they were, until someone took King Toadie’s Gem. Sigh. And in Uchihaven, Emperor Gwucha is doing fine, polishing his badge, ruling his people and whatnot. He really is a nice guy. He took me to this great Italian restaurant. Their pasta is, ah, fantastic. So, that’s all. But thanks again for taking me with you. It was really fun. Signed, Princess Peach. P.S. The next letter is important.”

“Aw…” Luigi smiled, “That was sweet Bro. Oh! Here is a letter for both of us!”

This one read: “Dear Mario Bros, this is Toadsworth. There is a rumor going on that the first part of ‘The Paintbrush of Power’ has been found. When all 8 pieces are found, it is supposed to be able to paint a portal to the lost kingdom of Ancoria! It is said that the kingdom is made completely out of gold and gems! But it’s not the gold that’s so special. It’s the treasure within the castle! I look forward to seeing if you go. Regards, Toadsworth P.S. April fools! What? It’s September? Oh… Curses! I’m running out of ink, dra—” Mario laughed with his bro then the two went to bed. In the ruins of Castle Chess all is tranquil. And from beneath the rubble, the Chaos Heart appears unharmed. A little goomba looks at it and takes it home.



The End, or is it?

~Olaf~

[Zeroes]

Wow... That's long. O_O

[~Lights~]

It is.
10 Chapters.
I would.. get bored after the first 5, if I was writing it.
So Far, I've read the first three chapters.
They're really good. ;]
You have a knack for writing, Avery. =]
By the way, have you played Super Mario Galaxy?
My brother got it for wii, but now he's stuck. Annnddd, so am I. xD
Pm Meh, I have a question.
I'll post this in the video games section too, though. xP

[RandomJibberish]

SMG was pretty easy, IMO. Awesome though.