[T] Equilibrium ●○○○

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KritsMagnavox
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[T] Equilibrium ●○○○

Post by KritsMagnavox »

Description
Sometime in the future, after the war which shaped the landscape of the Earth forever, a lone attorney fights for the innocence of a girl, with the fate of perhaps the whole wide world resting upon his shoulders.

Notes
This is my first case, so be nice and make sure you provide as much criticism as possible!
I've planned to release the whole thing in four parts, each part ranging around 1-2k frames long, the first part being the shortest. I'm still testing the water with the editor, it is only natural that you encounter some jank here and there, be sure to point them out when you find them!
Contains references to the events of SOJ.

Screenshots
Spoiler : :
Image
Image
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Walkthrough
Spoiler : :
Part 1:
Spoiler : :
Cross-examination #1
Present Autopsy Report on statement 4 or 5

Cross-examination #2
Present Overview Map on statement 2
Credits (Listed content here is up to change in the future)
Spoiler : :
Sprites:
Lind, Tear, Silver Glas, risefromtheashes, Greeny, Hesseldahl, SuperAj3, DragonTrainer

Tracklist:
Shin Megami Tensei IV FINAL ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK
>Asahi - Ryota Kozuka
>Conversation - Ryota Kozuka
>Dagda Theme - Ryota Kozuka

Shin Megami Tensei III NOCTURNE ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK
>Master of Hell - Shoji Meguro
>Manekata - Shoji Meguro

Shin Megami Tensei IV ORIGINAL SOUNDTRACK
>Law Theme - Ryota Kozuka
Links
Spoiler : :
Part 1
Part 2 (WIP)
Part 3 (WIP)
Part 4 (WIP)
Last edited by Enthalpy on Sat Oct 02, 2021 3:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Removed profanity.
yeah
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DJJ6800
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Re: [T] Equilibrium ●○○○

Post by DJJ6800 »

Did you make the case public? Because I can't start it.
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Re: [T] Equilibrium ●○○○

Post by SuperAj3 »

OK, you used my sprites in this so I have to play it (thanks btw!)! Will update this post with my SoC when I get a chance to play!
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KritsMagnavox
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Re: [T] Equilibrium ●○○○

Post by KritsMagnavox »

Whoops, forgot to set it to public.
Should be all good now.
yeah
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Re: [T] Equilibrium ●○○○

Post by SuperAj3 »

OK, time to play part 1!
To summarise, I've really enjoyed this case! Could use a little more polish and proof-reading (and I've tried my best to identify all the things for you to fix below), but overall really nice work! Excited to try part 2 when it releases! It's a bit too early to comment on the story as a whole, so I'll give overall impressions when all 4 parts are out!

Also, while I don't care much whether swear words are used or not, because they were used quite a bit in the case, maybe put a disclaimer in the opening letting people know?

I'll put my stream of consciousness here, it has all my comments I could think of as I played (because IDK the rules on swearing on AAO, I've censored all the swear words in my grammatical review).
Spoiler : SoC :
  • IDK why, but the music timed with "It's... beautiful" set the mood for your intro so well haha
  • I liked the attention to detail with the sound effects!
  • LOL Phoenix is "Age 40-50 something". Seems accurate for HoboNick XD
  • Oh no, why does that phone call and the USA becoming the NAU set ominous tones???
  • LOL the badge's description
  • WAIT NICK'S THE ONLY ATTORNEY ALIVE!? - oh, okay read the follow up statement XD
  • "martial law" - yup, that explains the NAU
  • Gotta appreciate you having the camera and guard examinable when talking to Nakauchi XD
  • Even in this post-apocalyptic scenario, there's that classic AA humour with Nakauchi being too dramatic in her re-telling XD
  • LOL I love the Judge and Phoenix's reunion
  • Yo yo yo, it's Isabeau LOL I love her writing
  • Then Alistar arrives, and reality hits the judge hard. Woah what a tone changer.
  • LMAO "Wow you're an a$shole" - "Agreed"
  • I think it's a bit out of character for Phoenix to call a witness "full of sh!t" in court.
  • Well, at least Isabeau points that out XD
  • Aww, I didn't get to see my sprited character in part 1 XD Well, you know I'll be back then! LOL
Spoiler : Some notes I have/errors I've found: :
  • The gallery is missing when the judge says there are important people in the gallery.
  • The transition between pressing the final statement in testimony 1 and the co-counsel conversation was a little off. It looks like you have 1 or 2 blank frames I needed to click through just to move on.
  • I've noticed this blank frame exists as well between Isabeau mentioning the map and the map appearing on screen, and then on the transition back to Isabaeau. Maybe delete your blank frames or add some timers to them?
  • Update: I think these are your fades. Maybe add timers and pauses of the same length to make sure your fade ins and fade outs work properly.
Spoiler : Grammatical errors I've noticed: :
  • In the detention centre, before the explanation of what happened, ??? says "higher up's" - this should be "higher-ups"
  • Minor note, but "Prime Minister" is usually capitalised. Also, ending a textbox on a comma then following with a capitalised "And" might need some revision.
  • "It's but a one time thing, after all" - "one-time thing" should have a hyphen in it.
  • "I started that only recently. We had a group of refugee settled in the temple from across the ocean." - "refugee" should be pluralised.
  • "Our budget was significantly handicapped with so much mouths to feed... We don't have much choice here. It's earning every cent we can or we all starve... anyway." - this textbox exceeds the 3-line limit, and is best split into 2 text boxes. Also wrong quantifier - it should be "many mouths" rather than "much mouths".
  • "Defense and the defendant! The court is about to begin! Proceed to courtroom #3!" - gramatically speaking, "The court is about to begin" isn't correct, but I don't know if you're calling it a "court" and not a "trial" here because of the unique scenario the case is made out to be.
  • "your honor" - both words are normally capitalised.
  • "Bada bing, bada boom. I'll submit this as an evidence along with the trajectory report." - evidence isn't a noun that needs a determinative. It should be "...I'll submit this as evidence..."
  • In the trajectory report, you say "It has a lot of recoils" - maybe revise this sentence to something like "It produces a lot of recoil when fired" to sound more correct. - Also in the weapon description, "bloodloss" is actually two words, not one. It should be "blood loss".
  • "Prosecution would like to call in the first witness- Alistar Sherrfield!" Unlike "evidence", "Prosecution" does need a determinative LOL, revise it to say "The prosecution".
  • "Alistar Sherrfield's profile has been added to Court Records." - you don't need to pluralise "Records".
  • "Can you calm down if some sh!t-for-brains no-good lawyer accuse you of murder!?" - "accuse" should be "accused"
  • "I walked down the the street, I looked around the corner, and I saw that b!tch shoot the guy!" - delete the duplicate "the".
  • "(I'm not expect an elaborate lie coming from a child. It's like seeing myself in court, on that first day...)" - "I'm not" should be "I don't".
  • "And you know what do I think of this?" - get rid of the "do".
  • "It is that the words of this witness is not to be trusted!" either say "...the word of this witness is not..." or "...the words of this witness are not..."
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StuPit
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Re: [T] Equilibrium ●○○○

Post by StuPit »

There's a surprising amount of profanity in this case, I wonder if that crosses any of the rules regarding swearing.
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Enthalpy
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Re: [T] Equilibrium ●○○○

Post by Enthalpy »

I've made some edits to the first post as well as to the trial to remove some profanities that do indeed cross the rules regarding swearing.

I'll be playing through the game and leaving a few comments.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
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Re: [T] Equilibrium ●○○○

Post by Enthalpy »

I ended up editing out more profanities, but I finished part one. I recognize the author no longer seems to be active - which is a shame, as I would have played part two had there been one - but I'll give a few quick thoughts.
Spoiler : :
  • Custom music and sprite choices are very good! I don't think that I've seen Nakauchi before.
  • The second contradiction doesn't seem to be a contradiction to me. It wasn't clear to me which road the witness was walking from, and I can imagine "looking around the corner" being the corner of the van. Perhaps on press, she can explicitly say she saw the walls of the building that made the alley?
  • There's definitely an original idea here, between the setting and how it's affected Phoenix. I don't feel I know enough to say whether I like it or not yet, but I'm definitely interested in seeing more.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
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